Day 18: My time on Grand Avenue and reflections on the past year

The rain finally cleared this evening. I love the crisp air that came with it, kind of giving a taste of the fall weather to come.

I started packing. Packing into the unknown of what is next, as I am being called foward.

Since my shift was cut at the theater restaurant, I thought, I might as well begin the organizational process. The State Fair is going full swing, I can hear the fireworks each night. I see photos on Facebook of happy fair-going friends. Without a restaurant shift this weekend though, my finances (or lacktherof) are restrictive. If everything is a choice, I have to choose not to go.

As I took my walk tonight down Grand Avenue, I could breathe in the fresh smells of the rain-soaked trees, pine and green. The wet dirt too was evident in the mix. All my senses were alive. Over the last few months, I got to know this street well.

The shops, the people, the street music. New places and old familiar ones. This is an older neighborhood, surrounded by stately homes. I can imagine at some point carriages not cars traversed the well -trodden lanes of yore. Servant’s quarters have given way to rental cottages and studios.

The trees are ancient, trunks and branches thicker than those you’d see in other parts of the city. They have their stories to tell for sure. You sense it walking around - that deeper energy of a place, well-established. A wisdom. A feel of old money and structure.

I realized tonight that I have grown to think and feel so differently in the last year. We’re coming up on almost a year since I moved from my Lowertown apartment and entered this nomadic phase. Everything is in boxes. I hardly need to pack – it is more like re-organizing things, honestly.

For many people, the unknown adventure I have been taking, with these unusual shifts and turns, would be unheard of, or lack the control or definition they’d prefer. Fear might over-take them. Instead, I have chosen to trust Spirit, and be in allowance of the process. To be upheld by something deeper and richer than myself.

It is easy to fall into the trap of most people’s thinking. On this year of finding my true self, I prefer to think of it as exploring with new eyes. Experiencing a full range of what might be possible. I let a lot less mind-dialogue into my realm, these days. I simply imagine, ask and receive.

That’s not to say that this is like a magic wand. *poof* There it is! More like a process and a dance. Obviously, in some cases things are more complex and take time to boil to complete meals. In those cases, the anticipation and cooking process is what I concentrate on.

My room I have been in since April, is a chaotic mess. I started bringing my suitcases out and packing my shelves. My clothes are being organized and bubble wrap is everywhere. It may be awhile before all this is unpacked. Nevertheless, I look forward to building a new space again when the time is right.

I don’t think I have a lot of “stuff” but what I do have, I cherish for the stories they tell. The spiritual artifacts, the memories attached. Course, it is not really the things that matter. What matters is how I feel in my heart each day. The connection I have to source and the amazing journey we call this one life.

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