Day 14: Uncomfortable Circumstances, Growth and New Horizons on the Move

I started working on a communication strategy playbook for my client. Great to go from the research to the execution of the preliminary brand identity. Ideas are swimming. I wish I had better access to my marketing texts which happen to be all stuffed in crates in the basement.

Maybe I can fish them out as I get ready to move at month end. Eventually, but not immediately I should be moving to a place with enough space for me to have my tomes on display again. This cramped living situation in two different temporary locations since October 2017, has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination.

It is like being in a cage and you can’t quiet get comfortable. I’ve been using a mattress that my roommate provided. They’re all 20 and use them to sleep on the floor. It is the most uncomfortable thing I can think of to sleep on, although maybe youth provides some kind of additional insulation against the sore spots and stiff joints I have experienced since April. Apparently these disposible spring matrresses are a normal solution for college student bedding.

My clothes are all stuffed in crates or in the very tiny closet and some things I wish I could access remain packed. The room is nice enough, the hardwood floor is probably its best feature. I couldn't really get much more in here though and there is only one outlet!

Different spaces and their qualities

While it is true that material things and space may not be the all-that-is-everything, it is certain that when you are used to spreading out and finding things you need, and having a certain organization about it, not having it is restrictive. What is the lesson in this restrictive circumstance?

Certainly, I have felt the strength of the unwanted, the pressure to create something greater. Each place I lived in held different sorts of aspects of that for me. Previously, to the student pad, I lived in a small house. I only really had access to the bedroom, kitchen and living area and most of my stuff remained packed. I took care of it during the winter, before the landlord prepped it for sale.

Even there, I knew I was a short-timer, so I lived with a bare minimum of my stuff unpacked. However, I was also in charge of shoveling snow and there was no garbage collection. Often times, 3-4 bags of trash would pile up at the front door before the landlord picked them up. The kitchen didn’t have good ventilation and got smoky. The stove burned more things than it cooked well.

The highlight for me was being able to have a live christmas tree and use my ornaments for the first time since I moved the Twin Cities in 2010.

At the student pad, I have had to get used to the more kinetic energy of college age students. They scream when they get excited – loud and shrill. They discuss in long detail, the trials and tribulations of their interpersonal relationships (which feel so hyper and drama-filled). They have completely different hours to mine and not what you think – I work nights. The kitchen is small, especially with people in it. I am also just taking up space for a short time and not part of the group.

I realize the things they care about and talk about (and often scream excitedly about) are not much different then the conversations I had with my roommates in undergrad. Seriously, if you think things are different than they used to be, go live with a college student. I swear it is déjà vu. It must be a stage of development because I have seen other gaggles of college students in this area, and they have a sameness to them (but they probably don't want to hear that).

Home

Home may be where the heart is. I can’t say I have felt “at home,” physically for awhile. I’ve gotten acquainted with my internal process and stay more uncomfortable. It is not just my aching muscles but the kind of dissatisfaction you feel not quite finding enough room for things and making do anyway.

Mind over matter. It gave me a canvas to work with. A circumstance to go up from. Even when I had to be frank and honest with everyone (even perfect strangers) about what I could manage financially, and what I could not. No room for shame.

Even when I moved, and my former landlord turned into a crazy person, sending texts for three days straight 24-7 and refusing to acknowledge any boundary set for her. And then doing it again a week later. And doing it again (until I blocked it) even when I had performed the task she was so upset about. It really wasn’t me she was upset with, life and stress and all her stuff came up when she sold her house, I guess. Still, no excuse for bad behavior.

So here I am. Soon to be moving. Different part of town, different landscape. And building my marketing business. Job hunting. Showing up every day to what life calls me to do…

Expanding what I think is possible while shaping the future I want to experience.

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