Day 12.5: Energetic and Physical Boundaries, Juxtapositions on the Journey

An intriguing set of juxtapositions started to take place yesterday. Consequently, I got home close to 3:30am.

At which point, a friend in Europe was in crises and I performed some healing work. I suppose I could have ignored her, but it also happened, that I was still awake, and she reached out to me.

Research Day

I’m conducting research by listening to several YouTube videos on some controversial concepts related to health and well-being. They are controversial perhaps because they poke holes at some of the more ingrained beliefs we have on diet.

However, it is sobering to see that the PR machine of various large conglomerates in charge of our food – started, after the turn of the century to ensure they monopolized the national dialogue, including manipulating study data to further their claims. We all fell into the trap.

Highly processed foods, fake fats and veggie oils are not our friends and yet the processed oil industries ensured we changed our diets to line their pocketbooks.

Here’s one video with a talk by Sally Fallon-Morrell on the diet that may be contributing to most of our issues:

Back to every day existence

After that, I headed to work where we had a fairly busy dinner hour. Nevertheless, the popularity of the movie Crazy Rich Asians did not spill over in a busy restaurant throughout the evening. I'm always excited to take home $80. Later, I would find out that I might have made more elsewhere. I had a short visit with my Crave bartender buddy and ate sushi.

Dark Horse

Later, I drove to downtown Saint Paul, heading to the Dark Horse patio. I saw a friend from the Lowertown group in a booth with people I didn't recognize. I did go over and say hello but I think prior to that she may have been hiding from me. No idea why. I'll just leave that experience there.

On the patio, I met and talked to an interesting Native American man. He was excited because at his restaurant, they had a good night and he made $400. My jaw-dropped and I wondered if they had openings. He said, they were having trouble retaining people and were always short-staffed. I didn't know if I should take that as a red flag or pursue it because I kinda think making $400 for one shift was far more interesting than my $80.

He and I talked for quite some time on the status of the Natives in our country – he wasn’t thinking that there’d be many left in the next 50 years given the lack of support for their treaties, healthcare and their lands.

We also discussed at length, how his mother had aligned with the tribe associated with Treasure Island Casino, and her relative wealth from the monthly checks ($12,000). He also mentioned his lack of wealth due to his assignment to a different tribe, without a casino. Interesting creation point there!

He felt that he’d be fine though because he enjoyed his work at a restaurant. Later, we got into a discussion with another man related to being a massage therapist. The young Native man had quit his massage career after burn-out and one too many propositions for inappropriate touch (and here I thought this was just an issue of female therapists).

The other gentleman was considering attending a massage program. I said, I thought the training was so healing and helpful, especially with issues around somatic trauma and safe touch, and that I did not regret it, despite my not working in the field currently.

Sex and other propositions

After dropping off the Native man at his house, I took off home. He wasn’t as excited by that as I was. I knew he was thinking (in his inebriated state) that getting a ride home from me would conclude with an evening of sex. I also noted his relative anxiety about the large wad of cash in his pocket being jacked. He wouldn’t stop talking about it. Which is weird because it is rare these days that I feel afraid. However, that was his reality and it may have been a real issue for him.

While I appreciated his desire, sex with him was not on my mind at all. It also didn’t feel right for my body or soul to capitulate. I just didn't have any feelings toward him like that or even any physical interest. Not because he was a bad fellow (although perhaps a bit to into his pot smoking plan and drunk on Jameson shots).

I am seeing and feeling now, that unlike my twenties, when I probably capitulated more often than not and later, didn’t capitulate but felt guilty, I could be in my own space with the situation and know exactly how I felt and what I wanted. This was a huge victory to me from an energy boundary perspective.

Quantum meditation

I’ve been attempting to use meditation and experience the quantum field these past few days. I am not sure whether it is “working” or not but I have felt less emotional polarity with various subjects. If my mind does start going down a rabbit hole I’ve managed to steer it back to the images from the meditation. Unfortunately, my friend in Europe is not at that stage yet. What I have learned, is you can’t really force the timing on that shift.

In the past, I might also have gotten dragged down by that energy or taken it upon myself to solve everything. I did what I could. Then I fell asleep. Right now, that acquaintanceship is not reciprocal, perhaps. Is that being too honest or jerky? I just mean at this moment she is in crises and I am not going to be receiving healing.

What’s interesting to me right now at this juncture, is I am experiencing and witnessing at the same time all these different choices. I’m also far more clear which path to take and why. I can’t say how this will correlate to my financial health although it seems boundaries both energetic and physical play a large part in our ability to work money.

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