Coffee and other Addictions on Day One of the Ultimate Reset - Is True Intimacy Possible?

I am posting a picture of my last cup of coffee which was yesterday morning. I started the cleanse this at 8am today when I took my first supplements and there is no coffee, caffeine or alcohol.

I’d say it is just three weeks but you aren’t supposed to jump back in to those items for several weeks after the cleanse. Plus I am going to do the 21 Day Fix after this so I can keep my cooking and food prep habits up but move to a regular menu.

Anyway, this morning, all I could write about in my journal was coffee. My apartment building has an espresso maker in the lobby which is free to residents. Quite frequently, I run into neighbors – often both of us are in PJs, and barely awake. We take a moment to connect while we get our morning joe.

There is a huge social aspect to the restaurant and coffee life for me. I stayed in my apartment making my first breakfast, getting back into the herbs and supplements I will be taking and reading. I missed the smell of coffee and the taste.

A sub request for a curling game came through and I almost said “yes, I’ll do it!” However, there would be beer and other alcohol available and it would be too easy, one day in, to break my cleanse just because it is there. I decided to stay home.

I did two different walks today. One to the grocery store close to my place where once again I had to find a creative solution to the $ issues just to get the missing limes I need and a few other fresh herbs. I came home only to realize that the Ultimate Cleanse people had made a mistake on their grocery list and I didn’t have red bell peppers. Seriously, it is sort of becoming a joke now.

Guess I will be back at the grocery store tomorrow then. I ate the salad today without the peppers.

I’ve managed to make quite a bit of prep food in advance – rice, quinoa, miso soup. In addition, I modified a recipe I’ll be putting together tomorrow. The plan calls for making these veggie nori rolls with brown rice. Last year, I tried it their way and it was a complete disaster. I had to throw it all out.

Reading over the recipe, it didn’t seem like they’d updated it and I wasn’t going to go through that again. I decided that I would use real sushi rice, not the regular brown rice that was called for. I know there is brown sushi rice but not at the Whole Foods I went to. Better that I can get most of it than worry about brown rice. I also bought a sushi roll maker.

As it turned out the roll maker had instructions for making good sushi rice. Sushi has this rice vinegar seasoning called sushi-su which helps bind the rice and make it extra sticky. Another aspect left out of the original recipe! I substituted honey for the sugar called for and mixed it in. The instructions that came with the mat said not to refridgerate rice as it makes it unedible -- so it is in a container with a lid for now.

I came back from my second walk after listening to a bunch of clearing recordings from Access Consciousness and also the relationship healers I work with. I think my body need to process the changes I was making on all levels. The brisk night air woke me up too. I tend to feel quite groggy without my coffee fixes.

I thought a lot all day about habits and addictions. Around the Twin Cities and especially in Lowertown, St Paul, the emphasis is on bars, restaurants and gathering places like the curling club. I watched a couple last night who were at Bulldog for the Lions/Packers game. Shot after shot of tequila. The man was getting more and more inebriated. Talking loudly. Making up stories. Eventually, he had to leave, and couldn’t even finish watching the game with his girlfriend.

That doesn’t feel like relating to me. Not the kind and depth of relating I want in my life anyway. Still, New Year’s Eve at Sainte Dinette involved a different kind of frenzy and I’ve grown close to the staff there. The food is delicious. Course, their business is to make money and even there it is easy to linger and take ‘one more glass of wine.’

How easy it is to substitute alcohol and feeling toasted/drunk for intimacy or even love. To stay stuck in this place where togetherness is equated with the number of shots of whatever you can imbibe.

I feel though the relationships are what I will miss most for the next three weeks. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some sub games in at the club, drink water and be dedicated to my cleanse while curling, socializing and enjoying myself. As a relator personality, though, nothing can really take the place of laughing, joking and enjoying the company of others.

Nevertheless, I had to face that maybe part of the reason me and others go to bars to laugh, joke and make merry is there is something emotional we simply don't want to deal with or face. It brings me back to what is true intimacy?

I ended up renting and watching the movie version of Wild last night. Now I can see how they really made it into a movie story, cutting out characters or compositing them and of course dramatizing situations differently. I like both versions of the story but they aren’t the same.

We’ll see what comes up tomorrow as I plan to get to more organizing processes and set-up my 2017. So far it is off to weird start. Hopefully things smooth out and the direction becomes more clear in the weeks ahead.

If you want to help support my career transition and book publishing business - I am still running my YouCaring.com campaign. You can also reach me personally for direct donations and I take PayPal or schedule a coaching/healing session. https://www.youcaring.com/ginasmovinonupcampaign

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