Big Lessons, Realism and the Journey of Being Me

Unclear whether recent events have taught me BIG lessons or just moved me around the playing field of life.

A few months ago, in the height of my spiral, I had to get my phone screen repaired. The iPhone6 had never really worked properly – in my mind. I miss Steve.

The iOS was buggy after purchase; I had issues almost right away with not having enough memory. I was told it would be fixed if I got all my photos and videos off of it. I got extra storage at the cost of .99c a month – only to find that was not REALLY the issue. The issue was that 16GB disappears fast with even normal app use.

Then just as I was about to dive in and replace it – the phone dropped (or I dropped the phone) and the screen was once again cracked. Verizon (or anyone actually) won’t replace the phone during the middle of a contract with a cracked screen.

Back to square one.

The phone continued not to let me take photos – I go to events for MIMA, and myself and I can’t take pictures or do much really – it is slow to respond and gives me “storage full” notices. I can’t do anything about that – it’s not the area of storage covered by the icloud. All of that is a racket. Apps are loaded onto the phone so you need GB. They don’t tell you that when they are selling you phones.

Today I am back at Batteries Plus getting a phone repair so I can start this ridiculous process over again. If you asked me why I am looping on this issue, I couldn’t tell you. The first time I went to look at phones, the screen was still good but my phone hadn’t backed up in months. When you go from iPhone to Google, they can’t guarantee that all iPhone features will transfer and I had a lot of interesting notes and other information. I wanted to back it up or transfer it elsewhere. By the time I had backed it up, the phone screen was cracked (AGAIN).

The election process…

After the new member breakfast, my emails to the HR person went unanswered. So much enthusiam during the handshakes. Leading to NOTHING. Dead air. That was disappointing but not every lead turns into something, I suppose?

Then my mind starts going. Did it have anything to do with the fact that I updated my resume post event with my MIMA and other content work (was so proud of my byline) and somehow while I was PDFing the formatting got off? I didn’t notice.

It was early in the morning, I was late for work and trying to get things done. I sent it. Realized over the weekend. Tried to be transparent about it and sent a revision. Guess they weren’t my people? Or maybe I am over-analyzing for some informational interviews. It is true. I haven't had a technically "real" interview since March. No one knows why. The feedback on the resume is that it's great.

I completed revision 2 of the content articles for the subsidiary. Waiting on a response there. It took a lot for me to get back to them but once I put the earbuds in and got to work, all that “uninspired” stuff dropped off. I became one with the work. Still, I know I have more to offer than just content creation for SEO of dry financial advice. Strategy. Planning. Inspiration. Laughter. Iteration.

I attended the MIMA talk this morning and other than having to type a mile a minute to keep up with the presenter, I learned a lot about Pinterest. Who knew that boards and pinning could be so interesting? I left feeling inspired. He showed us ads and other creative work for certain case study brands and I was thinking, 'there that's what I want to be doing!' How do you get to do that work?

Been a tough week. Monday, I attended a Citizen’s League event in Minneapolis where a panel of very intelligent political commentators discussed the results of the recent General Election – mostly MN results but including the wider experience. The Trump Victory – some call a landslide. I call it the most intense week of my life so far. Had to channel back. Still not fully recovered.

I thought I might learn something. I learned that politics, while exciting in some ways isn’t my mission. I may like speaking up but perhaps the point here is, go create your own existence! I’m a mile a minute healing traumas as they arise. Money is shaky. Especially after (YET ANOTHER) phone screen repair for a phone I will (HOPEFULLY) be rid of by the evening.

What a drag.

I got my notice to renew my lease. Thought about it all night. Had a dream I was visiting Melania Trump’s house. She had really expensive make-up and skin products. She was very miserly about them. She tried to be nice – like, “hey this cream is so awesome! Try it.” But she’d only give you a too small amount to make a difference and I felt her freaking out about sharing a dab of $400 wrinkle product. She hoarded cake. She was pregnant again but didn’t seem all that happy. Everything was fake.

Do I move or stay? Well I am between a rock and hard place. If I give up my spot, I may not find another one. I don’t like the odds of the credit check. So would that force me in with roommates in some college pad out there? The odds are awful. There is no way I have a deposit or anything else saved up so my parents would in some way need to be involved. OR that benefactor. After the screen repair and the new phone, I am unclear how I will eat this week.

Meanwhile my volunteer activities are doing well. No one is apparently hiring for real jobs. I haven’t met anyone at these events that seems more intelligent or capable than I, so that's not the issue. Divine timing? Budget cuts? I just don’t get it. If Melania’s world is fake, mine is all too real. And the realism is starting to get to me.

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