Clarity in a Sea of Crazy - is it Possible?
Updated: Feb 12, 2020
Clarity. Is it possible right now?
All this activity makes me feel consumed with thoughts and ideas – mostly not belonging to me.
It is not easy for an empath to continuously take in input from seminars, conferences, networking, and even PRODUCING at a fast pace. Let alone the detractors and people who give advice I can’t take.
I have noticed since I began regular energy clearings that I am able to flow better, however I still need to manage my time to allow for rest, exercise, and non-doing.
Working full-time while doing volunteer activities that are now heating up, while simultaneously clearing, expanding my energy field and working on my mission -- which does involve work on the collective energy field is WAY more than full-time for an empath. This pace is not sustainable forever and I do hope that this level of activity pays-off, allowing me to work one job and on fun projects.
I am listening to Stacy Nelson’s Master Soul University Facebook LIVE. She is talking about tools we can use to maintain clarity in manifesting while so much is going on. Good timing for me. It is nice to be a part of a supportive community process while going through everything.
Meanwhile, I am realizing that all the energy upgrades have changed my ability to really give time to basic dramas or deal with other people’s entities and lower vibrational processes. I’m finding that all the energy I have time for is the process of pushing through my own stuff here. I can’t push someone else through the door. That is their job – if they choose it. They might get left behind.
I have to be that honest – with myself, with them, with the Universe. Feelings might get hurt.
I still feel largely ‘in between.’ I have clothes and shoes that are falling apart. PJs with holes in them. I pull a sweater out and the moths have gotten to it or it’s worn bare. I know that I need to invest in new clothes. I can’t show up to networking events looking like someone who can’t manage themselves let alone $million company communication strategies.
Family guilt – like my Dad saying he’ll need to get a job for the holidays and went to Goodwill for clothes are juxtaposed with expansive thought processes on manifestation – candles, rituals, energy-clearing, working with blocks to abundance etc. It is clear I am forging my own path separate from family templates and ideals and yet, I am still dependent on my family for financial support.
Can I really wait until January for new tires or will I end up giving my power away to frugality and be in a ditch somewhere, having skidded uncontrollably on the ice. This is real shit! I think about it ALL the time. I have no idea how to navigate this position I am finding myself in.
I am waiting for the note on my door in the weeks ahead in which I’ll have to consider my 2017 lease arrangement. Moving is expensive. Will moving even help me at this point? Or, am I better off paying my current rent to stay put. My place has beautiful brick walls, a great view, an in-unit washer-dryer, free espresso machine and peace of mind. It is the one peaceful place in a sea of crazy.
So really, Universe, you want me to, while writing blogs, going to work, and attending events to be packing my shit, searching for a new (probably not as nice) apartment, hoping I find something, getting the money from my parents for the deposit, going through a credit check process, I won’t even know if I pass and then actually moving by Feb 1 – in the middle of winter in Minnesota? Is that really “for the best?”
My mind is reeling. I don’t sleep. Sometimes I wake at like 5am thinking. I cringe looking at emails in my inbox thinking either it will be another “no thank you, we found someone better” email or my parents whining about my school loan.
Meanwhile, I’ll need to rush out the door for my next breakfast meeting, leading to a drive to work for a full eight hours, a few more hours of writing articles for my own site, my volunteer work, and so forth. Constantly strategizing.
I end up at the curling club for a game, and even there, I can’t truly relax. People ask me how I am doing, or congratulate me on my MBA. I have worked very hard on accepting that congratulations without immediately snapping into a self-judgement about how I am bleeding red and still don’t have the career I envisioned when I went into the process of obtaining the creds.
My hairdresser asked me if I was dating anyone. That’s the last thing I am thinking about. Unless the person shows up with a moving van and several friends and makes my meals every night, I really don’t think they’d be much help. It is sad.
I realize my concept of relationships are that they are draining and unhelpful. I don’t have the capacity to consider for long how they could be supportive and enjoyable because I feel like I’d have to provide energy to the person I simply don’t have. I am barely functioning as is…
I’ll leave those thoughts there for now. I have nothing better to add.
If you want to help support my career transition - I am still running my YouCaring.com campaign. While I did have some donations in the previous round, I have additional networking/conference type events, up keep on this website and other processes to go. You can also reach me personally for direct donations and I take PayPal. https://www.youcaring.com/ginasmovinonupcampaign
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