Momentum and Projection - Authenticity Meets Resistence

This morning I spoke with a contact within my current company about working on some marketing projects. It may take a bit of time for that process to play out but looks promising.

I also joined the local marketing organization MIMA (Minnesota Interactive Marketing Association). I had to use the $20/month option in order to spread out the payments. I didn't want to wait though to get the process moving. I immediately submitted the volunteer form for the organization – we’ll see where that takes me.

My father reached out to me last night. He’d heard from my brother, who heard from a friend of his that I had a Facebook posting or crowdfunding post – not sure which they saw asking for money.

Not sure what my brother thought of the post just that they were speaking of it. I’m really unclear why the triangulation here or why my brother couldn’t speak to me about it or even what the nature of the conversation was.

Nevertheless, it prompted another donation to the cause albeit with some explanations about things I should be doing or wasn’t doing correctly. I find this sort of communication difficult. Emails are terrible for missed emotional cues, even though I try to lay them out as succinctly as possible.

It still seems like there is this antagonistic barrier here like I am somehow hurting others by being more myself, or Going for Gold, or speaking up and sharing my process. Except in practice I find my community growing - I was invited by one contact into a personal networking project, for example and other people have posted on my Facebook business/author page or personal page. I am having quite a bit of interaction on it and mostly positive. My personal brand, blog and website is finding its own. I am finding myself.

I did more clearing work last night on my energy field including some EFT style “Butterfly Hugs” to pinpoint some emotional stuff coming up around family issues. I find that it has to be a daily practice at this point – everyone has opinions and ideas. It is easy to get bogged down in “information” overload and triggered – especially with family stuff. For me especially, as an empath my tendency is to take on all these ideas and then try to create from them and please people.

While I appreciate the concept that I “should be” working two or three jobs or moving into a room in a house with roommates or cutting out any pleasurable activity “just to get by,” I guess I am not clear that this approach will be the best solution. That is ONE solution that people buy into. Do I have to hold the point of view that suffering leads one out into the promised land?

Fact is, I am suffering when I don’t join MIMA and other marketing organizations. I am suffering when I can’t afford the $600 ticket into the MIMA Summit in October and might be missing out on learning opportunities and network building. I am suffering not being able to get a ticket to the Blogger Conference because I am worried about food, or gas for my car.

If my body can’t take working three jobs and not getting enough sleep does that make me a bad person who just “can’t get it together?” I’d like to suggest maybe these concepts are more unconscious templates that just heap on judgements and don’t solve anything for anyone.

I feel like I need to concentrate on the extra work I will be doing for my internal marketing department, volunteering at MIMA and seeing if I can get a scholarship to some of these events, or a benefactor to help defray the costs.

People have thrown up my age as some weapon in the process. “You’re XX, you should have it together by now.” Really? Why is age an indicator of success by your terms? Maybe my soul has a plan that is bigger and better than your small mindedness can see right now.

Why is it that my working for the same company for two years with multiple successes under my belt in the role – respect of peers and management included, completion of fulltime MBA (while working), viable website and written materials, beautiful friends and connections is not “SUCCESS?”

Why my crowdfunding site is somehow a family embarrassment instead of a well-thought out strategy to raise funds for my website publishing business (with me as author/artist/healer) and my career development - $600 conferences – is somehow less than or different from a high-tech app going for angel funding? I wanted to experiment and change something - I took action.

I still don’t get the disconnect frankly. Perhaps I am supposed to be quiet about it and stay private and not speak up. Suffer alone as I had been doing. Keep it in the fam. Act professional by some standard set-up in people’s minds. Guess I don’t know my place?

I’ll write more on the concept of unconditional support and connection later. Of course you can’t force it from people. Not everyone can provide that. Still, I question everyday what template it is that is being used to compare my actions/experiences and then spit them back as “not ok.”

Despite all this, I am forging through and past the distractions. Clearing my energy field and working on increasing my efficacy in the areas of communication, creating relationships, finding alternative solutions to seemingly insurmountable issues and building my spiritual practice through yoga and meditation.

2016 (a 9 year in numerology and a clear harbinger of completion) has been a categorical BITCH.

We have 3 more months of 2016 and a set-up timeframe in 2017 to go, probably. 2017 though is a 1 year and things will flow much more smoothly (or so they say).

If anyone can help with the MIMA summit or MN Blogger conference – I’d be very interested in going. You can donate to me directly, or purchase the ticket or send money to my YouCaring campaign.

In the meantime, I look forward to sharing my experiences of growth and development here.

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