Nine Houses: My first studio at Lowertown Lofts

House #1

My first moves in the Twin Cities, happened way before I ended up at Lowertown Lofts in St Paul.

I came all the way across the country in 2010 seeking a life that didn’t involve living at home with my parents as an adult.

The California of 2008/2009, reeling from the multiple econonmic failures of the time, was not a hospitable place in many ways. Hiring freezes and an over-saturated job market going back to the woes of September 11, tech start-up failures, Enron and the financial markets as well as the later mortgage crises were the norm. I felt lucky to get temp jobs and most of them didn't last over six months.

Moving to Minnesota, was both a risk and a challenge to live differently. I left the comfortable, known world in California and ventured east.

My soul called to me and said, “You are going.” This was both frightening and exhilarating. I had plenty of time to deal with the feelings around this yearning to follow my soul’s call and yet, as time passed, it became this daily feeling of uncomfortable staying home in California. I might not ever explain it logically. I just knew that if I didn’t go, I would get more and more uncomfortable.

I realize now just how unusual it is to live beyond one’s comfort zone and follow the call of soul. So many would never do what I did. At the time, I had gone through enough spiritual and personal growth to know that the best aspects of life come when we’re willing to venture (maybe not entirely fearlessly) into the unknown.

I can tell a story about what inspired me to live in Minnesota and the Twin Cities. A collection of facts and figures. I’ve told parts of and versions of it to many people. And yet, the most important part of it all is that I was willing to follow the energy that occurred at the time and go after my best life.

Maybe the only thing I didn’t know, was that it wasn’t going to be a short journey with an easy rise to the top. It turned out to consist of starting over with multiple deaths and rebirths along the way. That was the sacred path I had chosen, I suppose.

By the end of end of 2010 I’d lived in my friend’s parent’s house in Osseo; a room in the house of a local music promoter which I rented for a small weekly fee; a room in the house of a disabled alcoholic who stayed up all night playing computer games and a room in a student pad on the University of Minnesota campus. The student pad was the last straw. Between the loud parties, pot smoking, crazy roommates and washing machine that didn’t work, I was fed up.

The path to Lowertown Lofts

I asked for help from my parents to move into an apartment. At the time, I looked for a place that was the antithesis of the insanity I’d lived in for a year as I began my new life in Minnesota. However, I still didn’t have a steady job or a temp job that paid more than $13/hour. I couldn’t technically afford Lowertown Lofts.

I had a healthy dose of belief that around the corner, something good had to come. It had to get better. What I didn’t realize at the time I signed my first lease at Lowertown Lofts was that my soul and God had a much bigger plan for me than simply getting a nice apartment and cushy job.

This path I was taking would not be linear, normal or even explainable. It was a journey toward a type of self-love that most people never achieve, and I continue to work on. And that type of crucible like experience in which your entire way of being is cleaned out, morphed, remade and spit back out, would take years, not months.

Lowertown Lofts was not my first choice

By first choice, I mean, I almost went after an artist’s loft at one of St Paul’s many buildings (at the time) dedicated to fostering arts in the city. I had already published my collection of short stories and poetry titled “The Journey of the Malevolent Empress” and so I had a portfolio. I’d visited the building for the art crawls St Paul conducts twice a year.

I imagined participating in these crawls and the artist community and thought it would be inspiring and exciting. At the time, a huge 1-bedroom loft was about $150 a month cheaper than Lowertown Lofts. My income which was limited at best, certainly qualified for the Section 42 income restrictions. I still couldn’t technically afford it. I am not sure if it would have been a better choice to end up there. because I didn't choose it.

At the last minute, before I signed the lease, I visited the Lowetown Lofts. It had a coffee maker/espresso machine in the lobby with free coffee, access to a rooftop pool in the summer, a great walk-in wardrobe, and a view of Mear’s Park. Even though (unknown to me) I would shortly be let go from my temp job and be unemployed, I managed to use my meager paystub to get approved.

How faulty were my thoughts?

If all the belief systems I have released in the last few years through Three-Dimensional Therapy are any indication, despite my clear intuition to go after the Lowertown Lofts studio, it is likely that the choice was built on a heavy dose of faulty-thinking. We’ll never know how I may have made different choices as I headed into my second year in Minnesota because that is not how life works. We do our best with the information and limited “intuition” we have.

The reason I remember choosing the Lowertown Lofts studio over any other option – an affordable room in a different location, the Tilsner space or an apartment in a cheaper neighborhood -- was pretty clear at the time and made perfect sense.

When I visited the Tilsner artist space several someone’s were smoking pot in their rooms – the unmistakable smell of burning greenery floated through the halls. Anyone who knows me knows I can’t stand the smell and have had very strong viewpoints about the use of it – specifically for myself, and more largely the energy of being around pot when others are using it. I’d just planned my escape from a house where regular parties included pot. I was already turned off.

The affordable room in a different location was largely not considered because I’d just spent a year couch surfing, in addition to the practical camping in the above-mentioned unsavory locales. The mixed results of these experiences were fresh in my mind. The memories of putting up with insane behavior and various aspects of my housemate’s mental illness as well as subjecting myself to what I saw of as the dregs of humanity were too overwhelming.

Only a year into my living in the Twin Cities, I didn’t know the area or the available rentals well enough. I also didn’t have reliable Internet most of the time to conduct a thorough search. In addition, I didn’t own a car so I was heavily restricted on locations close to bus routes with easy access to the majority of job sites I might be sent to with a temp agency.

My main goals with this move were not living within a means that was unreliable in the first place. It was to have a sanctuary where I could come home and be at peace, free from what I perceived as negative vibes, bad behavior and unsavory practices. I wanted to enjoy my existence and not be fighting turf wars with other people’s demons.

I sought something greater- a beautiful space, an adult life-style, a means to extend myself into this new community. Even though I needed my parent’s help with finances, I considered the apartment a long way and a far cry from living in their house. I felt on my way to a more independent life.

A decision made, peace at last

I signed my first lease at Lowertown Lofts and moved in with the help of two women friends from the St Paul Curling Club. Donations of kitchen supplies came from a recently married couple at the curling club who provided dishes, glassware and more. Some additional kitchenware I purchased with any extra money I could scrape up, adding to my collection of stainless-steel pans with trips to Marshalls in downtown Minneapolis.

Peace and tranquility appeared to be achieved and I was certain that a great job paying twice as much as most of the jobs I was getting through OfficeTeam would be right around the corner. I mean I had a Master’s Degree and fifteen years’ experience as an Executive Assistant. No brainer, right?

Maybe if I truly had faulty-thinking it was in the area of time and in accepting what my true calling really was. And that, was not going to happen overnight or even in the next few years. I just wasn’t willing to accept this and therefore didn’t see it coming.

In the next blog, I’ll go into more detail about my lessons that came as I started my new life as an apartment dweller in Lowertown, St. Paul. This city apartment was the first of two studios I occupied in the building in my time at Lowertown Lofts and living downtown.

Adventures would be had, cooking mishaps and difficult life experiences. It would turn out to be quite the journey of self-exploration.

#2019 #ancestraltrauma #BodyCode #boundaries #mind #financialhealth #betterchoices #selfhelp #connectiontoself #energy #energyclearing #familytrauma #innerwork #wellness #wellbeing #TrueNorth #bestself #soul #Transformation #patterns #empathic #empath #career #threedimensionaltherapy #jobsearching #mindset #learning #process #emotionalsupport #personaljourney #life #Authenticity #selfempowerment #selflove #Writing

Day 8: New vistas, old habits, journey of the soul and other Truths as summer winds down

I took a shift unexpectedly at the restaurant downtown today. Biked home and realized half-way that it was Tuesday night work crew at the Saint Paul Curling Club.

Stopped in to see what the summer projects were all about. Loni mentioned that while the roster wasn’t large, they’d managed to wait until the last minute, once again to complete things.

The ice set-up projects will start next week!

Hard to imagine that in just a month, fall activities will begin and temps will start to drop. The State Fair – our big Minnesota get together will be completed and Halloween on its way.

I’ve never known any place to have summer last less than three months. Why did I have a soul contract for this place again? If you’d asked me in 2001 if I’d ever leave California and venture to the mid-west, and a city, I’d have cringed. I always saw myself settling in the country like up in Napa or Petaluma with a large tract of land, maybe working for a vineyard.

The first time I got confronted with the idea of living in a city was when I took my first CTI coaching courses back in 2005. We did a guided “future self” meditation where we went to visit ourselves 20 years in the future. My future self was wearing a suit and hanging out in an office space in a city I didn’t recognize. The only ones I thought remotely close in size and scope were San Francisco or Los Angeles and I hated those places. I ran out of the room crying.

When much later, around 2008/2009 I was introduced to Minneapolis-St Paul I freaked out because it looked just like the “future self” meditation, and I felt like I’d been there before. It took several more coaching classes and sessions to consider that maybe my soul had been speaking for a long time. So, while it may have seemed like a sudden, or even insane decision by some who didn’t know the whole story – I’d been working with the idea for quite some time.

I tried to avoid it for about another year. Increasingly though I had this strange internal nudging going on. The temp jobs I took were more and more temporary – often working for companies that were about to go under or were in merger-acquisition. In the end, I stopped getting jobs altogether. The only thing that kept rearing its “ugly” head was this idea of re-location.

Our souls know exactly what we should be doing. Maybe, I knew better than to avoid the call too long. No need to get hit over the head with a two-by-four to wake up to my future.

Back at the curling club, we talked summer projects, curling, boats, an open bartender spot. We ate pizza and drank beer (and no I didn't do any work - I was told to come back next week) I was reminded just how fast the summer had gone. Perhaps the constant stream of interviews, job hunting and MIMA work kept me busy. Here I thought I’d have a job and move from my sub-let to my own apartment or something. No such luck.

Dreams don’t always land the way you think they will. We can have all the pre-conceived notions we want of life, or even the people in our lives and many times they’ll simply not add up. I had no idea what I was getting into when I first moved to the Twin Cities in March of 2010 with two suitcases and a dream.

The path and the journey has both been more amazing than I could have imagined and more daunting. I didn’t know when I moved that starting over would mean literally from scratch. Or that I would meet so many amazing folks from all walks of life, who’ve turned into friends. Or that I’d be confronted with the most difficult people and situations I’d ever experience, having to dig deep to find my True North, gain personal efficacy and know the potency of my determination and strength.

More changes are coming. The summer is winding down. Decisions need to be made. New choices, new vistas and grappling with our winter weather, once again. What magic will the holidays hold for 2018? A year of deep spiritual awakening.

What new horizons will show themselves and what will continue to stay the same, not quite going as planned or changing direction altogether. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

#2018 #frustrations #selfhelp #intimacy #connectiontoself #connection #TrueNorth #Curling #betterchoices #innerwork #energy #energyclearing #Relating #patterns #seasons #heart #knowing #personaljourney #Journey #soul #SoulJourney #Soulmates #Innerlandscapes #life #Relationship #Writing #coaching

Day 2: The Real Cost of Ice Cream and my Journey with Finances

A word on the cost of this ice cream

I purchased the pictured ice cream at Grand Ole Creamery on Monday. It is a double scoop – birthday cake and chocolate fudge brownie with their homemade cone. It isn’t cheap ice cream. The bill was $10.93. It tasted amazing and I appreciated the moment of sitting there with all the other denizens enjoying my summer treat.

Except it cost me more than $10.93 in the end. While I knew my account was low, I wanted to treat myself after a heavy week of interviews and rejections.

Unfortunately, I dipped below zero in my account and it cost me an additional $33, along with three other charges that same night for a total of $66 in bank fees.

Even though I’d paid off the overdraft I was carrying in that account (with a property tax refund) and started using the YNAB app (You Need a Budget), living on less than $400 a week in unemployment takes its toll on every aspect of my life. In theory I should never have taken my wallet out for my evening walk.

A sorry state of mind

This is more than just a treatise on spending plans and deprivation, though. It is a state of mind. Somehow, I created a life that barely sustains my existence on this planet. While I consider myself a happy person, deep down inside, I am clearly not feeling worthy of existence. Let’s get real about abundance blocks. They are insidious. Band-Aid approaches do not work for those of us with these deep-seated blocks.

Given the high profile and not so high profile (just see the RIP posts on my Facebook on any given day) suicides and early demises which have taken place, and you have to admit something is wrong with this picture.

Most people are not feeling worthy of their existence and it plays out in a myriad of ways from actual death to dying slowly – dating the wrong people so they don’t have to be alone, drinking too much and drug use (often backed up by a bunch of reasons why they NEED to be on drugs) and loads of other ways our shame is played out on the world stage.

Just this weekend, friends of mine were dealing with a member of their own family who had been committed to a psych ward with a suicide note and a heroin addiction. This shit is real. And everyone is touched by it in some way.

A long history of financial problems

My financial issues have plagued me my whole adult life. As I realized in 2016, I would need to deal with them head-on or I’d probably die early. Not from suicide (although when you aren’t able to sustain a regular existence it comes across your mind) but from a failure to thrive. Not eating enough, not paying rent on time, and a mounting debt problem weighs you down for real.

But how do you change this?

The fact is, it isn’t just a case of managing your cash flow – or all the books I read, classes I took or the software I owned would have made a difference before now. Yes…managing your cash is actually what it takes, in theory and if you just use your mind. However, realize that people with a skewed vision of money, carrying the baggage of ancestral and family trauma can use all those tools, and their subconscious will play out the pain body, sabotaging these efforts.

How money feels to me

It was never around, abandoned me just when I thought it was going well, looked like it was going to work out and disappeared (I often didn’t know “how” it disappeared), and was continually plagued by outside circumstances – i.e. - how does one pay rent with so little coming in? The shame around not being able to do what all my friends were doing was real almost every day. Still is.

How trauma works

Painstakingly, I have had to go into my energy body through my therapy sessions, uncover and heal stuff that I would have had no idea affected the way money worked in my life. Most all of it was passed down and I agreed to take it on, in utero.

After I was born, I just took those subconscious beliefs and created more on the top of them, based on how I already felt about my experiences from the ancestral baggage. This continued building through different periods of my life until the load was so heavy, the real world showed the signs. I could have read every book on the planet related to money and none of it would have made a damn difference.

How stuff started shifting

Unravelling the trauma required sessions at least every two weeks if not more for the last several years. As the past unwound, and my co-dependent relationship patterns emerged and left, the real-life stuff started happening. I have had to let go of structures (like my apartment I loved), friends, family members, jobs, dreams, dreamy thinking. I have had to create new structures – finance spreadsheets, apps, calendars of bills, paying only what came in (even if it meant making smaller payments for rent), and living a nomadic existence while I did it.

It DID NOT happen overnight. Each week I healed, maybe some tiny behavior shifted and it was easier (not easy) to do something like manage a spreadsheet. Or maybe, that week, it was time to tell a friend off and let them go because their way of thinking and being just wasn’t supporting my growth. That is A LOT OF PAIN. Trust me…each time, I felt I was ripping off a piece of my soul to do it.

The path forward

I look around at the destruction going on right now. There is a war going on in my inner world too. My ancestors and parents and other family may not have realized they passed down their unresolved feelings, beliefs and mucky attitudes. Nevertheless, somehow, I was left with the bag. The bag is going to be left behind before I die though. That is my plan.

Unfortunately, all around me I see the pain body – people hooked on drugs, people slowly dying in abusive relationship, people settling for less than the amazing life, people domineering and controlling, domestic violence, racial tension and violence and elected officials who would rather rape everyone then step up to the plate. People everywhere are not feeling worthy of their existence.

My YNAB app today

So, I got my unemployment check and a good $150 of it was already spent on ice cream and bank fees. Then I had to look out for the next couple weeks – something I just recently was able to do – and see all the charges going out. I was left with $20 – if I don’t spend anything on anything that isn’t already planned for until my next unemployment check. I *may* but it is not guaranteed, make a little cash at my part-time job at a restaurant movie theater on Friday. Our sales have been down, and my shifts cut so the likelihood is 40%.

Nevertheless, technically I am making more money than I did last week because an even higher percentage of my income was going to overdraft fees. We’re making a concerted effort to stop that from happening this week.

My soul today

I may not have healthcare, a job or even any prospects for making an adult living and yet, here I am surviving on less than $400 a week without my parent’s assistance (also not always the case). My Dad has been sending money to my school loan for my MBA, which is great because right now I can’t send anything to anyone that isn’t just about living right now. Past expenditures are not on the list yet.

I guess I feel a little better about myself deep down than I did a year ago. While not everyone would say my present is successful, I choose to see all of these steps as a huge win. Every day I get up, update my Excel spreadsheet, my Quicken file and my YNAB app and I am willing to look at my actual checking account without cringing (most of the time). Only a month ago, I was lucky if I could force myself to do it weekly.

This is day 2 of my writing journey. Let’s see where each day takes me. Let’s get real about who and what we really are made of. And it isn’t wine and cheese – at least not today.

#2018 #mind #innerwork #connectiontoself #betterchoices #wellness #energy #health #soul #selfhelp #financialhealth #Transformation #intimacy #Food #Heartwalls #BodyCode #threedimensionaltherapy #EmotionCode #Relating #empathic #empath #selflove #selfempowerment #bestself #life #career #caring #family #ancestraltrauma #patterns #familytrauma

Internal, External, Social and Change of the Self

My path has been internal since early May – at least as far as blogging on my personal site goes. My work with Three-Dimensional (T3) Therapy practitioner, Peg Sutherland, continued 2-3 times, per month. Processing and shifting, was a whole other matter. As layers of my ancestral/family karma broke down, I really couldn’t do much more than focus on myself.

I felt like I was in a stormy sea, my boat about to capsize. Perhaps, a few times it did and I held on to the side, hoping I’d survive somehow. Fighting with family members became more intense as dysfunctional energetic circuits, and past beliefs were cleared through the timelines and in my personal field.

How it appeared IRL (in real life) was often barely explainable so I just stopped explaining or justifying -- to myself, to others, to social media. Other times, I let various sub-personalities bob to the surface, as their energies upgraded, their voice needed to come out or they felt they needed to be heard. Often, I was a witness to my own soul – sort of like a parent watching a teenager learn to drive for the first time.

Meanwhile in “everyday reality” – I was working, dealing with finances (which blew up time and time again), making good choices and bad, volunteering for MIMA (Minnesota Interactive Marketing Association), even taking on the Marketing Chair role and applying for and getting turned down for jobs – over and over. A seeming endless supply of no. Sometimes with a personal touch, like the supposed networking contacts that would suddenly become silent if I actually applied for the job that they were hawking on social. My personal favorite: you don’t have enough experience (or too much?).

The other side of the coin included the realization that my family members weren’t going to sit idly by and support me emotionally. Or maybe, someday after I am on the other side of clearing out all the shared, passed on, and ancestral beliefs that were woven into my chakra systems, and I was humming along like a fine-oiled machine – I could imagine that the constant negatively charged emails, support checks that came late or reduced by $100s so I had to incur overdraft fees, and borrow money at exorbitant interest rates as well as the barrage of judgments like “you should have had your act together by now...” were all in my best interest.

That somehow – I owed my family allegiance, or silence or that my social posts, blogs and Facebook Lives were just too much for them. While it is possible, and probable that I misinterpreted through the lens of my process some of the intentions, I also know that unconditional acceptance has never been part of the mix. Moreover, my sessions were leading me to believe I’d carried ancestral belief systems which contributed to just that – including my feelings of shame and guilt for not being “good enough” which I held for myself.

My experience of my family flew in the face of the learnings from “Evolutionary Love Relationships” by Saade/Harvey. Also, the more time I spent with the new friends I was making as well as the old ones, whose generally supportive, unconditional families were like a whole new frontier, the more I saw real life examples of how it could be. This was both gratifying and difficult. Gratifying because I could reform in my mind a self- concept and community concept based on unconditional love, and difficult because I’d face I never really had that. What I accepted as normal was not in fact normal at all. Possibly even abusive and that abuse had been normalized.

Often, my own internal struggles were mirrored not just in my family of origin but in politics, where our President, cabinet and other players as well as world events were literally “blowing up” on a daily basis and things as we had known them could no longer be counted upon.

Still, over the course of the summer, I have had some peak moments that didn’t involve crying in the park under my sunglasses (yes that happened on Canada Day after a very difficult 24-hours with family/money). I deepened my connection to a whole new group of friends in my neighborhood – even as I knew I would need to move out, took two trips to the Minnesota State Fair, experienced more laughter and inner knowing and discovering “what I am called to create” and got bought plenty of alcohol on my birthday with the private social media group “Lowertown Drinking Club.”

I am still in process, but quickly getting clearer about what I want in relationship when it shows up, how I want to feel (or not) and what true love really means to me. I am also learning that not everything spiritual or related to the Law of Attraction comes to you in the way you originally envisioned. Sometimes it is very, very different and the true path is learning to accept and go with the flow.

I did a shit ton of letting go – friends, self-concepts, original concepts about my dreams/career, long-held boundaries – yes, I might move in with roommates again, yes, I would be willing to do a 2nd job in restaurants, yes – I would keep working at the same job I’d had for the last 3 years (at least for now).

Not sure that I am totally “at one” with trusting God/Goddess with all this – sometimes I throw a fit like the best of them. And yet, little by little I have gotten more secure in my position and understanding and my belief in myself. My intuition feels clearer than ever.

And here we are…in a new Universe with the world as my oyster…almost.

Want to work with me? Coaching, healing work such as Access Consciousness Bars, Akashic Record readings and transformational energywork - bookings available online or send me an email. I accept payments/ donations through Paypal in order to sustain myself and build my business.

In addition to personal transformation, we can work on your branding and marketing also bookable via my Online booking portal. You can also provide donations/trades of the following: acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, food, gas, pay for my Internet or anything you can suggest. Look forward to working with you!

#soul #EvolutionaryLove #Transformation #intimacy #romance #Heartwalls #EmotionCode #threedimensionaltherapy #empathic #career #networking #Marketing #mindset #process #learning #MIMA #jobsearching #energyclearing #emotionalsupport #personaljourney #change #life #story #family #Love #selflove #writing

Stories of Wandering Duluth - Tourist and Marketer

Recently, I visited Duluth Minnesota to attend the Zenith Digital Marketing Conference 2017.

Last year, I attended Zenith 2016, not long after having graduated with my MBA in Integrated Marketing. While we learned various integrated marketing basics in school along with our business education, it is not until you enter the real world that the true work begins. Zenith was a part of that for me. To be surrounded by marketers and marketing language and the all the sub-culture attributes was like being a kid in a candy store.

Now that I have cut my teeth covering events for MIMA and working on the Irish Fair’s marketing plan, I ventured there again. This time, with awareness and experience under my belt. Rather than rush, I wanted to spend more time relaxing and integrating my time away from my day job.

Night One:

I ventured out to “see the town.” So, downtown Duluth is not exactly hopping on a Wednesday night. In fact, by the time I checked in, most of the stores were closed or closing for the day. Snow was wafting down from the skies, as it had been ever since I stopped for bakery at Tobies.

I stayed at the Radisson, a round building known for their moving restaurant. It wasn’t open for the season yet. After walking around for a bit, I decided to stop in at The Blind Pig, a local café. Upon entering, the door attendant suggested I go see and try out the Rathskeller, an additional bar area in the basement below. He said, “Pick floor Minus One, not One. One is a creepy basement area used for storage.” Duly noted. Indeed, the elevator button was (-1) According to the website, this used to be the old prison.

The place was virtually empty when I arrived, except for two local regulars enjoying whiskey. As it turned out, it was “Whiskey Wednesday” at The Blind Pig/Rathskeller. I don’t normally do the whiskey but “when in Rome.” By my 2nd glass, I enjoyed a peaty number that tasted of burned gasoline – but it fit with the musty cellar and ghost stories. Yes, I even got to see the picture of one of the resident ghosts that showed up as a very distinct grey outline on someone’s photo (shown to me by the bartender on his phone).

One of the jokes tossed out was about a friend of the two regulars who lived up north near the border. “He’s practically Canadian, he lives right there on the border.” To which the bartender said, “Well, he probably just wants to jump right over about now and be Canadian.” Referring, I am sure to our political situation here in the States. Some talk about fishing and the weather.

After my time at -1 was done, I needed food, so I headed back up the elevator to floor 2 or was it 3. I ordered the house special, lamb Shawarma. On stage, a local band called WhiskeyTrail played country covers. I found my foot tapping and myself singing along. I only had few bucks left so my tip was small. I saw on their FB page that someone recently gave them $50. I felt a bit unprepared.

Course, I was lucky to be in Duluth at all. Building my career has been rough going. Volunteering my time, attending conferences with my own resources since my current role isn’t marketing related. Hearing a lot of “Nos.” It takes a lot of tenacity. I try not to eat too many ramen noodles, but I know that is a famous story of people wanting to follow a dream. Maybe it isn’t ramen noodles but small tips, or scraping up the money to take the next step and hoping it all works out.

Day Two:

I head out early – 7:30am. Since the hotel shuttle doesn’t start until 9am, I am on my own to walk to the Greysolon Ballroom – an event space near The Blind Pig. The weather is cool, a few snowflakes fall and the ground is wet but I am excited to be here.

After getting breakfast and coffee and settling down, Marty Weintraub - founder of AimClear - kicks off the morning’s Keynote by taking a picture of us all with his fisheye lens. From morning until about 4:30pm when everything wraps up for happy hour, we’re running around learning. Given that I am attending MIMA events at least twice a month, it is amazing how much I have learned and retained since the process started a year ago. Acronyms like SEO (search engine optimization) and AI (artificial intelligence) are familiar to me and that includes typical uses for brands.

When the day wraps up, we’re all ready for the after party at Blacklist Artisan Ales. , a new brew pub featuring Belgian-Inspired beer. A Canadian friend suggested the night before that I visit “Last Place on Earth.” When I looked it up, it was “permanently closed.” Turned out he was joking (I think). Why? Because the proprietor of the “head shop” was in jail.

Little did I know, until our group took the brewery tour that we were actually in the same space! One of the Duluthian’s explained that the previous owner had been investigated for some time for selling something called “Bath Salts,” which in theory could have been bath salts but when smoked or eaten or whatever someone crazy would do with those, were an illegal narcotic. Lovely. Seedy under-belly of Duluth.

Over the course of the evening, I met and talked with marketers, mostly from Duluth, but others were sole proprietors from the Twin Cities or students. I mentioned more in my previous blog. Katie and I ended up talking with one of the owners Jon Loss of Blacklist and his partner Elissa and getting into the nitty-gritty of beer making in the tour. From one type of chemistry to another, I suppose.

We discussed marketing strategy and ideas. It felt good to be here. Article about Black List

Day Three:

Went out for breakfast and ended up at the Holiday Inn’s restaurant near my hotel, so that I wouldn’t waste too much time. Nora, my waitress was nowhere to be found so the back-up helped and soon I was rocking and rolling with steak, eggs, pancakes and coffee. Took care of business and writing for several hours in the hotel lobby after check-out. Then I headed out to Namaste, a healing store.

Just my kind of place – candles, spiritual statues of gods and goddesses, healing books and crystals. The feeling in there was so amazing. If I could, I would have taken a few large crystals home with me. There were beautiful lava rocks and large columns. Immediately I was drawn to Quan Yin, a goddess I work with extensively in Transforming Blockages. In the end, I took a couple of candles for my altar and incense.

From Namaste, I headed across the freeway to the tanker boat. However, at 3pm, the last tour had left. Grandma’s, a known landmark restaurant on the pier, where happy hour was in full swing with ½ price drinks and cheap apps. For a tourist destination, it had its fair share of locals, and I felt out of place, maybe a little different. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the ambiance and the history showing in the old signage and photographs.

My final stop before leaving Duluth to head back to St Paul, was the local Starbucks. I drank my Mocha while charging my phone. A Somali man enjoyed his coffee while iPading in the corner and another guy listened to something on his headset while watching passersby in the window. Outside my view, the Duluth steam escaped from drain holes by the intersection.

I remembered the Blacklist owners talking the night before about how they used the steam to make beer and without it would require a much larger space and more equipment. The intersection of environment, city policy/resources and commerce.

All in all, I needed this experience of expansion in Duluth. A city full of stories, locals and seafaring folk who masquerade as brewmasters and computer geeks. The occasional marketer from AimClear, maybe. I may not know when my career will be full-time marketing, but what I do know is I love the process and where it is taking me. How else would I become so intimately connected to the thriving businesses and storytelling of this community?

Want to work with me? Coaching, healing work such as Access Consciousness Bars, Akashic Record readings and transformational energywork - bookings available online or send me an email. I accept payments/ donations through Paypal in order to sustain myself and build my business.

In addition to personal transformation, we can work on your branding and marketing also bookable via my Online booking portal. You can also provide donations/trades of the following: acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, food, gas, pay for my Internet or anything you can suggest. Look forward to working with you!

#Duluth #Travel #Zenith2017 #Marketing #EvolutionaryLove #Transformation #Food #career #networking #blog #conferences #learning #personaljourney #life #business #trust #process #mindset #Authenticity #community #Journey #Spirituality #creative

Zenith 2017, Duluth and the Content Marketing Career Thing

I attended Zenith Digital Marketing Conference in Duluth, MN yesterday. This is my second year. Having attended MIMA events (and written articles/conducted interviews) since October’s MIMA Summit, the language of marketing content is not only becoming familiar, I feel pretty confident of my grasp on the material. Basic keyword research, SEO, AI, Automation, use of social for different purposes, and how to use it most effectively.

At the Zenith after conference Happy Hour at Blacklist Ales, we shared deeper stories and got to know each other. My conversation with two UMD (University of MN Duluth) employees, cut to the heart things. Both had seen epic changes in the University settings in which funding cuts for general research was looming and the fear that science (not just art but AND art) was being attacked. Keepers of knowledge and bastions of progressive society and it was all something out of an Aldous Huxley novel (or any other novel from the 50s and 60s that seems a little too close to home).

They were hoping to learn somehow what it would take to save their work, to preserve their knowledge, to work in a paradigm in which deleting research was acceptable discrimination. I don’t have all the answers to this time, none of us seem to. However, what I could be was an ear of understanding. I said, it is up to each of us to tell our stories, find a way to put more of ourselves “out there” and provide whenever possible, a checks and balances to the fake news and misinformation. We were each being called to something greater – even if it makes us uncomfortable. My new friend’s face lit up, then with hope. Finding our greatness individually will be our Truth.

I am reflecting on the word Zenith, also. “The highest point reached by a celestial or other object.” Here I am in Duluth – not always lately feeling like I have reached any particular zenith. The ups and downs of the last year since graduating with my MBA have given me a type of resilience, or maybe more accurately, uncovered within me a resilience I had lost touch with. Unlike a year ago, I feel more at home at the conference and with marketing professionals.

Kate Cummings and I (and it is nice to have another person from our MBA program in the same room) – we are the first few cohorts through (or almost through in her case) and some of the only ones changing careers – and non-traditionally to boot. We are creative and social media savvy. We network. We want to break the mold. Sometimes it is hard to know if we aren’t thinking outside the box enough. Nevertheless, I haven’t given up on my job applications and networking. Something has to turn the corner and be the elusive jackpot. Still, marketing

Sitting in the hotel lobby of the Radisson Duluth, I am stuck by the older style décor, giving the place both a timeless attitude and transporting me to a different era. A hockey tourney must be taking place as parents and kids with large oversized hockey roll-bags have shown up by the droves since I checked out at 11am. I’ve been conducting business and chatting with a friend.

I want to head out soon and check out the maritime museum before driving home. Or at least go to the water for a bit. The hotel lobby gas fireplace is beautiful and relaxing, inviting to me to sit longer. I’d hoped to have done more writing while here – this blog will have to be it. I would rather be outside than typing my novel projects.

While I do not know when I’ll be working Fulltime in marketing – I feel like more and more I am aligning with that vision and desire. Letting go, bit by bit the limitations and point of view that kept me locked in my previous career. Keeping things small and struggling to complete projects.

Looking forward to applying my learning from Zenith and building on my volunteer assignments in the weeks to come. As well as staying connected to and building on the relationships from the event.

On the other hand, the Evolutionary Love course, took an unexpected two week hiatus due to logistics and I haven’t listened to last night’s course recording. Amazing how the Universe builds in unexpected processing and integration to our manmade schedules. Never ceases to amaze me that timing is not always under our control, and nor should it be.

Of course, no matter how much work I do on myself and clearing blocks of one kind or other another, the ego will always bring up time - like a badge of honor or dishonor, as the case maybe. After all it is just not good enough if it isn't just so!

Want to work with me? Coaching, healing work such as Access Consciouness Bars, Akashic Record readings and transformational energywork - bookings available online or send me an email. I accept payments/ donations through Paypal in order to sustain myself and build my business.

In addition to personal transformation, we can work on your branding and marketing also bookable via my Online booking portal. You can also provide donations/trades of the following: acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, food, gas, pay for my Internet or anything you can suggest. Look forward to working with you!

#2017 #EvolutionaryLove #Transformation #Zenith2017 #Relating #career #networking #conferences #learning #Marketing #process #jobsearching #mindset #energyclearing #emotionalsupport #business #trust #personaljourney #life

Evolutionary Love and the Third Energy Exchange

Nocturnally, I must have been studying and practicing the lessons from the course Evolutionary Love, which I am taking with Andrew Harvey and Chris Saade. All of a sudden, material that was last week difficult to wrap my head around, becomes something I am living.

Four weeks into the course, and the first few lessons on accepting self and other as profound expressions of the divine, are sinking in. I am looking at people, places and situations from the position of this epic love. A lens I am new too – I spent most of my adult life in a type of epic suffering built on a history of epic judgement.

Wasn’t until I was releasing family/ ancestral trauma through the T3 work, that I experienced, at least temporarily, in the release, just how deep and dark all that stuff really is which we have taken on collectively. Would be hard to see the divine in all those traumas – thoughtforms on top of and wound into thoughtforms like snakes coiled in the grass.

As I awaken in this lighter landscape, my creativity and my heart opens along with the dropping of heartwalls going back generations. Once removed, I am challenged as my ego fights and then reforms around new thoughtforms, kind ones, expansive ones, broadcasting outward and resonating with a new vibration.

In the midst of all this shifting, the third energy that rises above and through my twinflame and I, grows stronger. As we clear, we experience the polarity of darkness as the basements of our collective thoughts trigger and then washes away old beliefs. We are “attacked” by them and must keep clearing and be free, rising again into the light at greater aptitude.

There is nothing more amazing than the Third Energy. As we clear, we create more than just the two of us, between us, around us and blasting outward through time and space.

Back to the course. I am retraining my brain and my heart to work together, not separately. To function as one big system flowing between soul, love and thought. Thoughts of deepest love become real and show up on my street or at work or the curling club. I am practicing self-acceptance. I am seeing how nothing was actually ever wrong.

My new manifesting practices from Master Soul University, are confusing initially as they are foreign to my mind, which wants to control everything and believe in nothing. Or maybe it is attuned to failure and strife over trust and ease. In the weeks after the lessons, though I see myself practicing the techniques and seeing the progress. What I learn is conscious manifesting is not just desire made real, through will, it is a way of existing. Flowing through time. My journey is not a sign of failure.

I step into seeing my twinflame as the divine expression that he is – his flaws, his past, his wounds, his habits, sense of humor and various choices. What flows from this creative practice, is I see myself that way. The Third Energy flows elliptically back and forth - giving and receiving. Quaint, strong, silly, occasionally uncontrollable. Creative. Does it matter? It is all good. I am drawing my wounds out from the space of “other” and into my whole me. I wouldn’t be ME without all that WHOLE-ness.

Still, even in the moment of meeting, we might experience something like fear or the primal wound or some insecurity and it is floating about us in the Third Energy. I think fast, and do something quick to recognize and clear the space. We could meet again ten minutes later and change the everything. Our choices create our reality and maybe we need ten minutes.

From the Third Energy comes the creativity. The awe-inspiring connection to the Divine that never leaves us unless we turn away and let fear rule. After a divine encounter of this nature, I find myself connected to a truthful voice that desires expression.

I might write in my novels for hours, write a short-short on Facebook statuses or simply watch TV surrounded by the energy itself, allowing my meditative state to bring forward new ideas or projects. My mission to touch people and express the Third Energy in all its glory and myriad forms.

In the moment of meeting, though I am realizing that we aren’t stuck in any template that exists like dating, or married or broken or benefits – we are way greater. It changes everything.

I accept payments/ donations through Paypal in order to sustain myself and build my business. I also accept PAID marketing work and sessions via my Online booking portal. If you know of someone hiring in Integrated Marketing Communications, I'll be delighted to apply. You can also provide donations of the following: acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, food, gas, pay for my Internet or hang out with me and support me emotionally in other ways.

#romantic #intimacy #TheForce #romance #Heartwalls #Relating #empathic #empath #career #process #learning #EvolutionaryLove #mindset #energyclearing #emotionalsupport #personaljourney #story #Relationship #trust #life #creative #knowing #Journey #Spirituality #heart #Soulmates #SoulJourney #soul

Blogging and Blogging and Spiritual Breakfast

I spent the last two days writing up MIMA blogs from the series of events I covered since February. We were behind publishing my work from earlier in the year due to a tech shift and things got hectic. Then we finally got all that work up so by then, more events happened.

I found it easier to write them – based on previous feedback and re-writes -- my style is flowing much better and I am finding my word choice becoming more refined. I am including links and other insightful ad-ons which work for the brand.

For my own site and brand, I wanted to blog twice a week and do a FB Live once a week but so far, I have managed 1:1 ratio, which will have to do for now.

I went to breakfast with Marty from AimClear. He gave me feedback on my FB posts – personal and other wise. Something about FB always being for work. Well shucks!

He suggested either sharing only with my tribe (for some posts) or simply not covering the range of my experience as most people wouldn’t get it or understand. He might not realize, this early in our friendship that I am lazy and making circles and defining post parameters is A LOT OF WORK.

Guess the thing is, putting myself “out there” to this degree is new for me and I really had been reluctant, namely because not being seen is much easier and requires fewer skills in self-management. It is possibly quite true that some areas of one’s psyche ought not to be shared generally.

There are a range of folks who follow my work, storytelling and posts and some of them are having trouble keeping up with my incessant need to be raw and uncompromising.

I am having trouble keeping up with it.

I am unclear that sharing this much is a necessary thing for me – but perhaps the exercise of trying it was a direction I took, for experimental purposes. I know what I am doing when I do it, however, how people interpret includes a wide range based on their own filters and understandings. The thing is not everyone actually knows me in person or hangs out or sees me working through things, or even understands the whole story. So they fill in the blanks and then you end up with distorted constructs to work with.

At the stage of skewed and distorted perceptions, I’d say I am receiving other people’s judgments and misunderstandings and stories, and not all of it is beneficial from a mental perspective.

Gary Douglas, from Access Consciousness fame, would say we need to receive everything as Interesting Point of View, and that other people’s judgments make us money. Maybe being raw and uncompromising in my lack of filter would be making me rich?

Marty also mentioned that money wasn’t everything. I get that in theory, and I’ll need to wrap my mind around it from a logistical perspective. I seem to have a certain lifestyle I enjoy (and it doesn’t include boats or fancy clothes – just a nice apartment and good food and travel -- and if I don’t make more money in the long run, it is likely I’ll have to learn to live on a lot less – fast. Apartments in downtown St Paul don’t run cheap.

If I could raise money to incorporate my publishing company and start the book publishing process – i.e. ISBN and other publishing aspects aren’t free – maybe I could just be super creative and publish work of mine and build that audience.

I’m still planning on attending Zenith Conference (of which Marty is a contributor) in a few weeks. I feel like I need the reset. Job apps go out periodically as they come up but I could use a boost in 1:1 connections or a push in a different direction – i.e. a small business consultant client that gives me my next area of growth and development.

In the meantime, we will persevere as usual. Hopefully more breakfasts and lunches and meetings of synchronicity will occur in the weeks ahead. New stories will develop and exciting options present themselves. One thing I know for sure, my T3 (Three-Dimensional Therapy) sessions are going deep. And it isn’t for the faint of heart how I feel in the 48 hours after them.

I still maintain though that there is something vitally important about leaving my Office Manager days behind me and moving into my field - somehow. If it's a corporate job, agency or consultant situation - I don't know yet.

I accept payments/ donations through Paypal in order to sustain myself and build my business. I also accept PAID marketing work and sessions via my Online booking portal. If you know of someone hiring in Integrated Marketing Communications, I'll be delighted to apply. You can also provide donations of the following: acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, food, gas, pay for my Internet or hang out with me and support me emotionally in other ways.

#Transformation #Food #Relating #EmotionCode #Heartwalls #empathic #empath #career #conferences #networking #Marketing #jobsearching #mindset #energyclearing #process #emotionalsupport #business #personaljourney #blog #MIMA #life #SustainingCreativity #Authenticity #Relationship

The Power of Transformational Work

While still not where I want, things started taking off this past week. Energy moved quickly while still processing a T3 (Three Dimensional Therapy) session I had on Sunday. My session concentrated specifically on relationship, however we discovered several incomplete circuits with family as well as an outside person who I know in real life, whom I had a past life with and stuff was unresolved.

All of these incomplete circuits impacted my ability to have a complete and healthy romantic relationship. I also think, given the ones with my father, it affected my ability to create money as he acted as a sort of source energy.

I became inspired to work on my website – adding a tab for my transformational work and an online booking element. In the future, I want to link the online booking to my payment system. This takes an additional investment though and my financial situation is still tenuous. For example, I have no money in my account again and don’t get paid until the 31st.

This struggle with finances and money is real for a lot of people. There are many, many templates and limiting beliefs we’ve agreed to take on. After several months of T3, I am just beginning to see what other people describe as being able to manifest a different reality. While vision boards and imagining are great, if we don’t get to the bottom of our limiting beliefs – some of which are complex and deeply embedded, we won’t find the basic LOA materials very effective.

In that vein, I always suggest that people do trauma work, limiting belief work and other healing modalities if they really want to see results. One of the healing modalities I am in the process of learning, “Transforming Blockages” – uses a pendulum to dig deeply into limiting beliefs, past life issues and societal templates and removes them. Like all healing, it is a process of discovery with many layers.

Coming from these events, I had a great lunch on Wednesday with a networking contact and spoke to someone else about doing some marketing planning/rebranding/PR work for them. Meanwhile, MIMA and the Irish Fair work continue full speed ahead, all while maintaining a full-time job at my current company.

Obviously, now I am exploring the idea of doing freelance work in both healing and marketing via my website. If you have thought about working with someone, I offer coaching and healing using the Akashic, Transforming Blockages – and another unique process I call Art & Storytelling. Check out the descriptions of the new offers in the Online Booking portal. Please contact me with questions.

One thing I noticed as I wrote about my struggles openly, was a reflection in some supporters that they would not go back to school or change their careers because it appeared like I was suffering and it was too hard. While that is their choice, I wouldn’t use these blogs and my story as a reason NOT to do something.

Manifesting new realities in the current situation we have is not always easy. Nevertheless, my story should be an indication of perseverance not a reason to give up or stay in complaisance in life. Change requires us to show up and fully embrace the nature of process. Process is transmutational – that will sometimes feel difficult or hard or that you can’t go on. Think a plant pushing through a seed casing or the nature of the crucible.

Take a few more steps, and see everything open up…

#Transformation #change #Heartwalls #EmotionCode #Relating #empathic #empath #career #networking #Marketing #learning #process #energyclearing #jobsearching #mindset #emotionalsupport #personaljourney #story #business #trust #life #YouCaring #Love #romantic #romance #Relationship #finances #creativity #SacredJourney

Coffee and other Addictions on Day One of the Ultimate Reset - Is True Intimacy Possible?

I am posting a picture of my last cup of coffee which was yesterday morning. I started the cleanse this at 8am today when I took my first supplements and there is no coffee, caffeine or alcohol.

I’d say it is just three weeks but you aren’t supposed to jump back in to those items for several weeks after the cleanse. Plus I am going to do the 21 Day Fix after this so I can keep my cooking and food prep habits up but move to a regular menu.

Anyway, this morning, all I could write about in my journal was coffee. My apartment building has an espresso maker in the lobby which is free to residents. Quite frequently, I run into neighbors – often both of us are in PJs, and barely awake. We take a moment to connect while we get our morning joe.

There is a huge social aspect to the restaurant and coffee life for me. I stayed in my apartment making my first breakfast, getting back into the herbs and supplements I will be taking and reading. I missed the smell of coffee and the taste.

A sub request for a curling game came through and I almost said “yes, I’ll do it!” However, there would be beer and other alcohol available and it would be too easy, one day in, to break my cleanse just because it is there. I decided to stay home.

I did two different walks today. One to the grocery store close to my place where once again I had to find a creative solution to the $ issues just to get the missing limes I need and a few other fresh herbs. I came home only to realize that the Ultimate Cleanse people had made a mistake on their grocery list and I didn’t have red bell peppers. Seriously, it is sort of becoming a joke now.

Guess I will be back at the grocery store tomorrow then. I ate the salad today without the peppers.

I’ve managed to make quite a bit of prep food in advance – rice, quinoa, miso soup. In addition, I modified a recipe I’ll be putting together tomorrow. The plan calls for making these veggie nori rolls with brown rice. Last year, I tried it their way and it was a complete disaster. I had to throw it all out.

Reading over the recipe, it didn’t seem like they’d updated it and I wasn’t going to go through that again. I decided that I would use real sushi rice, not the regular brown rice that was called for. I know there is brown sushi rice but not at the Whole Foods I went to. Better that I can get most of it than worry about brown rice. I also bought a sushi roll maker.

As it turned out the roll maker had instructions for making good sushi rice. Sushi has this rice vinegar seasoning called sushi-su which helps bind the rice and make it extra sticky. Another aspect left out of the original recipe! I substituted honey for the sugar called for and mixed it in. The instructions that came with the mat said not to refridgerate rice as it makes it unedible -- so it is in a container with a lid for now.

I came back from my second walk after listening to a bunch of clearing recordings from Access Consciousness and also the relationship healers I work with. I think my body need to process the changes I was making on all levels. The brisk night air woke me up too. I tend to feel quite groggy without my coffee fixes.

I thought a lot all day about habits and addictions. Around the Twin Cities and especially in Lowertown, St Paul, the emphasis is on bars, restaurants and gathering places like the curling club. I watched a couple last night who were at Bulldog for the Lions/Packers game. Shot after shot of tequila. The man was getting more and more inebriated. Talking loudly. Making up stories. Eventually, he had to leave, and couldn’t even finish watching the game with his girlfriend.

That doesn’t feel like relating to me. Not the kind and depth of relating I want in my life anyway. Still, New Year’s Eve at Sainte Dinette involved a different kind of frenzy and I’ve grown close to the staff there. The food is delicious. Course, their business is to make money and even there it is easy to linger and take ‘one more glass of wine.’

How easy it is to substitute alcohol and feeling toasted/drunk for intimacy or even love. To stay stuck in this place where togetherness is equated with the number of shots of whatever you can imbibe.

I feel though the relationships are what I will miss most for the next three weeks. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some sub games in at the club, drink water and be dedicated to my cleanse while curling, socializing and enjoying myself. As a relator personality, though, nothing can really take the place of laughing, joking and enjoying the company of others.

Nevertheless, I had to face that maybe part of the reason me and others go to bars to laugh, joke and make merry is there is something emotional we simply don't want to deal with or face. It brings me back to what is true intimacy?

I ended up renting and watching the movie version of Wild last night. Now I can see how they really made it into a movie story, cutting out characters or compositing them and of course dramatizing situations differently. I like both versions of the story but they aren’t the same.

We’ll see what comes up tomorrow as I plan to get to more organizing processes and set-up my 2017. So far it is off to weird start. Hopefully things smooth out and the direction becomes more clear in the weeks ahead.

If you want to help support my career transition and book publishing business - I am still running my YouCaring.com campaign. You can also reach me personally for direct donations and I take PayPal or schedule a coaching/healing session. https://www.youcaring.com/ginasmovinonupcampaign

#2017 #Food #emotionalsupport #story #change #Journey #process #intuition #Spirituality #WomensIssues #selflove #SacredJourney #Love #intimacy #Relationship #Relating #mindset #DivineFeminine #creative #Vulnerability #life #Money #SoulJourney #Authenticity #Healing #creativity #personaljourney #energyclearing #finances

May the Force be With You: Our Journey to the Stardust Which is Within us All.

Carrie Fisher died this morning. Maybe a part of me hoped she would miracously survive the massive heart attack she had on the 23 of December. Alas! Her eight-year cycle was one of ultimate release into the ALL THAT IS. A day after I saw Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, which brought back the deep love I had for the original series of Star Wars movies, our Princess Leia was gone.

Star Wars shaped my childhood and likely even set-up my mission. My narrative is so much about overcoming the darkness and the darkside to bring the light into balance. As I start the process of publishing more of my writing in 2017, I think this aspect of my being will become more and more self-evident.

This is the last week of 2016. It is a potent week of final release in the Nine Year cycle completion. While we collectively grieve, I just want to say that 2016 did not “TAKE” people we love from us. They chose to exit the planet at this time at a soul-level, their work on the planet was complete. It was time for them to choose a new form and for those of us who remain earthbound to discover our artist within.

In the most recent Star Wars epic Rogue One, one of the characters is called Star Dust as a family nickname. This is in and of itself a powerful motif. We are born in alchemy and cosmic synergy and within our DNA is the makings of the Star. The stars aren’t just things twinkling in the night sky, they are indeed collectives of our high vibrational energies. They talk to us and inform us. We hold parts of them in our very bodies.

Carrie Fisher entered the stardust phase of her existence. She is a powerful goddess who held a human form and she is not gone, just different. It was time. All those people who were artists who passed, are forming a star. Look up in the sky and they will exist there and an in your hearts.

I’ve been processing my T3 session which had a longer than usual integration time of eight days. I know there is a bit more I want to do in the new year but the session integration took me all the way to the end of the year. That was a message. I had completed what I needed to do THIS year to start a new cycle in a very different place.

In the last week, I reviewed my last eight years. I had to realize that while I resisted the process like we often do, it really was a cycle of purification for me. I’ll enter a new eight-year cycle in 2017 in a very different place spiritually than when I began. My heart has been awakened to a new cosmic reality. I am a more balanced human. Still, I have no idea what cycle of my life I am beginning.

That tension is powerful now. I feel the old and the new at the same time. I am working with the fear of the unknown. What if I am wrong?

I had a session with the amazing healer and coach Lillian Moore. She helped me to work with this tension so I was in the emotional driver’s seat and could remain that way as I create 2017 and beyond. My mission in life is maverick and not the norm. More to come. In the meantime, I just speak for myself. I can ask bolder questions like "What energy space and consciousness do I be to generate an amazing, fun and heartful life?"

This path takes a lot of compassion. I’ve had a shaky relationship to compassion and spent a lot of my life in judgement of aspects of self. Judgement is not conscious and it does not allow any of us to be in the question that creates potent outcomes. We’ve bought into stories or templates that don’t serve our highest good. The true, soul story is lost. It is time to restore the stories that create harmonic and potent paths of destiny.

My Beachbody products are on their way, as are the meal prep containers. One thing I learned about doing the Ultimate Reset last year was that conscious eating takes time and effort. I plan to do meal prep in advance so I don’t consider cheating because “I don’t have the energy to make dinner.”

Three weeks of no alcohol, no caffeine and clean eating. Oh boy…

May the Force be with You! The real message of these films is The Force is within all of us. It is a true balance between the Dark and the Light…

Consider supporting the artists in your life. If you want to help support my career transition and book publishing business - I am still running my YouCaring.com campaign. You can also reach me personally for direct donations and I take PayPal or schedule a coaching/healing session. https://www.youcaring.com/ginasmovinonupcampaign

#InnerCouncil #EmotionCode #empathic #learning #mindset #YouCaring #business #knowing #empath #energyclearing #personaljourney #SoulJourney #creativity #Healing #CarrieFisher #StarWars #RogueOne #TheForce #Love #selflove #life #story #trust #writing #publishing

Change in Year, Change in Attitude: Lessons of the Opening Heart

I’ve been quiet on my blog for a few weeks now.

As soon as some idea or thought would coalesce it would just as soon dissipate. Maybe I wasn’t that grounded or things changed too fast.

I’ve had three T3/Emotioncode sessions with Peg at this point. The last one was Sunday for an hour. We dug in deeply to some limiting beliefs and emotional heartwalls. Inherited thought-forms from the female line. A few things from the Dad’s side and a shit ton of old stuff that simply wasn’t serving me.

My list of positive belief systems has grown from 4 when I had session one to 18. I have them tacked to my cube wall at work and glance over periodically to reinforce them in my psyche.

It’s the first 24 hours since the session and I felt my ego or some aspect of myself resisting the change. The voice lobbed out some real doozies like “F-U for making these changes, they’ll never work!” and “Go away!”

Lovely.

On the other side, my heart and soul feel lighter and more energetic since the session. My knees which had been bothering me for weeks seem to be free of pain. That mind-body connection, was a strong one.

I continue my work with Stacy Nelson’s MasterSoul University. I purchased a mala from her shop so I could perform Ho’pono’pono and other mantras and actually be able to count using 108 beads instead of the excel spreadsheet I had been using. That felt a little too office-y for forgiveness rituals. Also, I wanted something pretty to wear.

My appearance has been a huge thing for me recently. I joined Stitch Fix so I could try it out and see if the stylists/box in the mail idea would work for me. I figured I’d give it a few tries and see. I made an appointment for a facial. I bought my favorite skincare line. I don’t think this is a superficial process for me. I feel it is vibrational. I am going after gold and want to express the process outwardly as well as inwardly.

I received via email 22 book cover concepts from Renee for Cassandra & Abbie: A Journey in Letting Go. I let those images percolate over the weekend after I’d narrowed it down to two I felt expressed the energy of the writing and picked the winner this morning. I am eager to have her finalize it so I can upload it to the site. Of course, that means I have the structure in place to finish writing. Let’s see how the inspiration flows.

Without all the support and processes I learned in MasterSoul, I don’t think I would have gotten as far as book covers. I had to relearn how to create and manifest. While we’re still learning, I am already seeing results using the techniques and that is a harbinger of things to come for me.

I think I need to apply these techniques a little more deliberately with the job hunt too. I finished Stacy’s Inner Council book and I know I need to start to identify The Council in my mind and work with them. I am taking the first week in January off to clean-up my storage and start a 21-day cleanse. I am hoping the time will also be used for getting to know The Council.

The election has been challenging for my family of origin. We weren’t all aligned in that process and bickering still seems to arise with the polarity of left and right. My Dad and I worked on new tires for my vehicle and everything was going smoothly until he got into it with my brother about politics. I got drawn into it with an email about “hope you enjoy your new tires from your conservative father.”

Eesh. I find myself having to raise the vibration and the energy of these exchanges after I pick myself up. What is the management response to this? How do I handle a difficult and sticky situation?

I dove into and started reading Megyn Kelly’s Settle for More over the weekend. My Dad sent it to me as part of what I call our regular book club. I get new books as a surprise every few weeks. He just started doing that a couple years ago and I always learn something from his choices.

I don’t identify with everything in her book but she knows how to tell a good personal story. I find myself excited to keep reading and wonder how situations will play out for her. I don’t know how much patience she’d have for how it works for an empath when it comes to her “work hard to get somewhere” philosophy. Working all those hours and pushing personal limits constantly, typically gets an empath sick. She appears to have learned deep lessons in vulnerability in recent years, however.

I for one am unlearning a lot of that philosophy and learning how to have more ease, have things arrive in an easier fashion that doesn't involve masculine pushing, go with the flow of universal timing so that when something does manifest like a job, it seems to just fall out of the sky. I may be new to it and shaky on the particulars, but I think I am actually seeing it working – finally.

All in all, my attitude and my heart has shifted a great deal. 2016 may be a 9 year but we’re all hoping it is worth it in the end.

PS for those keeping tabs on the dude from the agency who sent me a form “thanks but no thanks email” after I had met him in person a few times and to whom I responded with a euphoric “so glad to have met you at such and such events.” I did see him again at the MIMA Holiday Party last week. He seemed to be busy running in the opposite direction. :)

If you want to help support my career transition - I am still running my YouCaring.com campaign. While I did have some donations in the previous round, I have additional networking/conference type events, up keep on this website and other processes to go. You can also reach me personally for direct donations and I take PayPal. https://www.youcaring.com/ginasmovinonupcampaign

#MegynKelly #SettleforMore #StacyNelson #InnerCouncil #jobs #jobsearching #EmotionCode #empathic #empath #Election #Marketing #mindset #Winning #YouCaring #knowing #business #energyclearing #community #family #MIMA #Healing #personaljourney #SoulJourney #Authenticity #Heartwalls #life #Vulnerability #Journey #story

Thanksgiving: Gratitude & Attitude on the Journey

Coming off an amazing Thanksgiving with my friend Lawrence at his new house where I bonded with his son and we played with shoes and shared pie.

I’ve been pushing the healing work since the weekend. Remi from Twinflame Healers and I have been corresponding back and forth. I’m trying to work on my ability to receive in the Soul Love work. It sounds easy but receiving is complex. Your mind likes to play tricks. "Oh Sure!, I am receiving," it says. However your bank account and your love life don't show that you are at all.

I had a T3 session with an EmotionCode/BodyCode/T3 practitioner. I knew I had this heart-wall (or maybe it is more than one) which affected my abundance. I’d been working with someone who released a lot of surrounding issues over the course of the summer but the body wouldn’t let go of the wall. When she went through a personal crises and couldn’t continue the work, the whole thing stayed on the back burner -- until Monday.

I’m trying to read Stacy Nelson’s Inner Council book and can’t concentrate. I haven't been sleeping well lately - strange dreams at night wake me up around 3am and I can't get back to sleep. I lay in bed tossing and turning.

The job hunt has been long and protracted. Monday I was feeling the heaviness of it.I turned in (yet another) draft of the finance articles and my blog for MIMA on the Pinterest talk. Meanwhile, Monday I got a ‘no’ response from an agency where I applied recently. The CEO had come to our class on social media. We’d read his book. Apparently that was not enough.

Wednesday night I ran into my friend Jesse. He wants to be more involved in my job hunt and thinks he has the skills to assist me in making this jump. I'm grateful for his stepping in here. Hopefully we can put our minds to good use in the months to come.

Now I realize that when I came out of film school in 1998, a complete emotional wreak, there was no way I would have made it in Hollywood. I am in the Hollywood of the mid-west and it takes energetic balls, tenacity, and emotional doggedness…if I had an ego, it has been honed with these rejection notices from marketing agencies and the closed-door policies of the creatives. It takes attitude to weather the ups and downs and keep going.

In the meantime, I am truly grateful for this process. I have gotten out of the house more often and met more interesting people since school let out. I’ve been forced to address long-standing energetic and personal limits. I’ve cried a lot and laughed even more. I’ve tested myself in ways I never thought possible and came out the other side of the crucible a stronger mind.

That doesn’t mean that I am not looking forward to 2017 (one year). This nine year can kick-it. Course, before the nine year completes – we do have one more, pesky Mercury Retrograde to get through.

#MBA #Marketing #mindset #YouCaring #business #empath #community #creativity #jobsearching #MIMA #personaljourney #Money #curling #SoulJourney #career #jobs #Authenticity #networking #Writing #change #life #writing #energyclearing #EmotionCode #Heartwalls

Cosmic Change Bullet Train Runs Through #MIMASummit and 100 Handshake Modeling

I spent yesterday attending the MIMA Summit in Minneapolis. In comparison to the lower key and smaller MN Blogger conference, MIMA was a rockstar event of marketing who’s who. Color lights, fancy lunch, snacks, drinks and an after party that zoomed by at an epic pace.

I took the day off work – probably unpaid – in order to push the energy forward on the job search, get to know the MIMA leadership and the organization itself. I joined the Marketing Committee, we’re about to create strategy for 2017 and well, it’s a job even if I don’t get paid. So dig in.

I shook a lot of hands, maybe like 100 over two days and did a lot of tweeting. I slammed even more information into my already clogged brain. I may need to sleep for a couple weeks and integrate.

Inspirational notes came from Sara Critchfield and Nora McInerny Purmort who had very different experiences creating powerful content. So I am not the only one writing from the heart, writing truth-based pieces and sometimes crying…

I left The Summit on a good note, preparing to dig deeply into the work at hand, which right now is volunteer-based. A session which involved ideation work on the future of MIMA conducted by GoKart Labs, recalled a course we had in our MBA (Creative Strategy and Innovation). I realized I knew how to ideate. The guys at the table with me over-thought it too much.

While I made new connections, telling almost everyone I met that I am post MBA, and job hunting, it was very ethereal in nature. Energy. Moving.

My boss asked me if I got any 100K job offers. “No,” I answered, “but I met a lot of people making 100K”. I keep thinking there has to be a tipping point in all this. A point in which the energy expended and expanded becomes the thing you are creating. Physical.

The more I show up the more I learn. My conversations become grounded in the lexicon and the knowing. The trust I know what I know increases. I need to be doing this.

Still, I came away exhausted and tired, in need of rest from the constant “on-ness” of networking events where everyone walks around like a rockstar in a suit jacket, skinny jeans and cute booties. I felt like I needed a new wardrobe. I am reminded of the old days, in film school when we used to act, and the internal focus was ‘how do I look?’ I’m mostly over that level of narcissim but events like this come with a lot of baggage.

The other thing I learned was how much I wanted to get on stage and do a talk. I don’t have any idea what to talk about. I just saw myself doing it. None of the speakers were flawless speakers, they all lost their way at least once while on stage, lights pointed at them. Maybe I’ll start with a smaller stage and get used to it first.

Now I feel like I am in a bigger space. Waiting. I looked ahead in the calendar and really there is nothing to “DO” for awhile. I did find out about one job I want to send a resume in to over the weekend. This will necessitate doing some tweaks to my resume – adding MIMA, adding my conference attendance, maybe see if there is anything to add on content creation.

Probably time to balance though. I need to integrate. Rest. Recoup from the people stuff. I plan to curl on Saturday in the All American which is very physical, very grounded work with the granite stones and the focus on the body itself. I’ll be sore by the end of it.

Honestly I was happy to come back to my regular day job Thursday. Familiar people like family I have been with for over two years. People I can laugh with and they know me and I know them. There’s something to be said for that level of familiarity. It may be awhile before I feel that calm in the world of marketing and business strategy.

Things, like circumstances and myself have changed a lot this year. They may change a lot more before we conclude 2016. We aren’t going back, and we can only move forward. A pace not always comfortable and certainly not consoling.

I’ll be ready for the career move proper when I am ready. I’ll know because I’ll be turning in my two-week’s notice and taking the new role. I’m obviously not ready. It hasn’t happened. I can only keep preparing and clearing and showing up when asked by my soul.

I am not even curling with a permanent team this year – both of my previous teams fell off and I decided to be a freelance sub. There were a few reasons why I didn’t want to curl on my usual night, Wednesday and so everything changed up.

In career everything is up in the air and changing, each piece of the puzzle leads to more puzzles and conjectures. There is a position out there, it hasn’t quite coalesced. I’ll be sure to let you know when it does.

In the meantime, maybe I should reach out to Nora and ask her if we can collaborate on crying, humor and authentic soul-based writing – or something. Was it weird that I wanted to run up on stage and hug her like a sister? I’m “Still Kickin’” over here too…

If you want to help support my career transition - I am still running my YouCaring.com campaign. While I did have some donations in the previous round, I have additional networking/conference type events, up keep on this website and other processes to go. You can also reach me personally for direct donations and I take PayPal

#blog #learning #mindset #Marketing #YouCaring #business #knowing #jobsearching #energyclearing #community #creativity #MIMA #personaljourney #curling #SoulJourney #career #jobs #networking #Authenticity #Money #Writing #change #life #finances #MIMASummit

Listening...Really Listening to Inner Guidance in a Moment of Panic

I have a confession to make. I read the latest post by MasterSoul University’s Stacy Nelson on listening. Listening to your intuition.

That’s what this is all about.

For a long time, I listened to everyone else BUT myself. So much so, I was like a whisper, barely in my body. Sure I walked around looking like I was IN but I was out…out there floating above somewhere and following the advice of everyone else but my inner guidance.

I got really good at telling stories that sounded good. Not lies. Just regurgitations and creating from other people’s energy fields and being a follower.

This was my path…until the day I died. Not literally. It was a spiritual death. One of many in a series of cycles of spiritual journey – a heroine’s path, winding, spiraling.

My father has an impeccable memory. He can tell stories in grave detail from childhood to present day and has everyone riveted in their seats. That same skill is used to remember every detail of my long and winding path to this moment. All the times he paid off credit cards I’d maxed out. All the school programs I’ve attended. All the money he has sent – he says six figures worth of money -- since I was born maybe, or maybe after he thought he’d be done paying at the age of 18.

The process of returning to my body may have seemed long and exacting. Long and never ending. Long and futile. My life-path number in numerology is a 33. That is Master Student. Master Student’s life path is entirely devoted to spiritual development of the most exacting type. We’re not known for easy lives or ones that fit into other’s boxes. From the time I got sickly under the age of two, with seizures and colic, to this moment, my life has not been easy.

Every healer, every experience which taught me to be more present, every struggle, every seemingly weird choice was to give me a lifetime -however long that turns out to be – of the Master Student. It’s not everyone’s Life-Path number, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. There are some choices we make, long before we incarnate and it is not for others to dictate or to change.

My confession is, I have always been listening. It may not have appeared like I was, and for a very long time I remained hidden - pretending. I don’t think I was ever off course. What was off course was the judgement people had about where I “should” be…it permeated everything. It was not just for me. It is the judgement that exists in the very air we breathe.

We all hold a piece of the pie; some feel it more deeply. As an empath I lived it – for a long time.

Each moment we are healing. We are healing not just for ourselves but for the collective. For the soul groups, for the people who cannot and won’t see the Truth this time around. As a Master Student I am bound by Spirit and my soul to conduct healing on behalf of others even if my ego would say “fuck that I am outta here!” I always get drawn back to the center. To the work. To the spiral.

I am no Buddha or anything. I can sit in separation and frustration with the best of them. My dark cycles are really f’ing dark. I have sat in bars crying because God and I are not seeing eye-to-eye right now. I know it is futile. I know I’ll return to the connection. Just not right that moment.

Right now though, I am listening. I’ve been doing a lot of clearing work. I am surrendered to the process. We were given a volunteer price for the MIMA Summit. Still the idea of spending the money left me on the edge of my comfort zone. I don’t have a safety net here. Or so it feels. I am so used to going ‘out there’ for answers.

In here, in the zone, I tap into something greater and bigger than a spreadsheet or a self-help book on finances. Other people’s successes and journey are not mine. Mine is to be in touch with the voice inside my own soul, even it flies in the face of everyone’s opinions.

I knew I needed to be there weeks ago. I just couldn’t figure out how to pay full price. The Universe fixed that. Even then…I waited. Listening. The voice didn’t change.

Meeting new people at this pace may be exhausting for someone like me. I am asked to fill up the well with spirit rather than deplete my energy stores. Find my way through LinkedIn, social media, Twitter, conferences, get-togethers, networking events, informational interviews – business cards in hand.

Write my blog. Even if it is not perfect, especially if it is not perfect and doesn’t have original photos.

Actually, I think the stock photos are funny, at least for now. I’ll fix it – eventually.

In the meantime, I am flying on a carpet and flowing on a rapid river of change and expansion.

#blog #Marketing #learning #meetings #YouCaring #business #knowing #jobsearching #energyclearing #community #mindset #family #creativity #MIMA #personaljourney #SoulJourney #Healing #career #jobs #Vulnerability #Authenticity #Writing #process #finances #emotionalsupport #creative #trust #Journey #life

Imposter Syndrome Knows When to Take a Backseat to Winning Mind

Cleaning up the Past

Last week, I travelled to Los Angeles to take care of a court matter. A situation that had been hanging over me for about a year and the resolution of which I knew would be important to moving forward.

Leading up to the trip, I had to deal with looking over old materials and conversations. It brought me back to a particular place in time in which I was finishing up my 2nd to last class in my MBA and starting the preparation for my journey to Japan.

There was essentially no break between a really challenging and fast-paced management strategy course and a pile of reading on Japanese business and culture, as well as fears and stress about the trip itself. Two years into a rigorous and demanding MBA program, along with working full-time at a fast-paced job had taken its toll.

I suffered from a type of PTSD by this point, undiagnosed and palpable. Stress on top of stress with no room for processing. I didn’t sleep well, drank too much and ate in an unhealthy manner. My health deteriorated to the point that I was rarely well physically, that second year. I caught flus and then got well, then caught a sinus infection, then got well, then caught a cold…

I attended an acupuncturist and did BodyTalk sessions almost weekly just to keep the symptoms from dragging me into an early death, or so it felt. Beyond that, I knew I needed to strengthen my immune system which didn’t seem to be working. In November, I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids and in western medicine the treatments are not that great.

I knew from my previous experience in spiritual and healing circles that the stagnant chi of a “fibroid” related to an imbalance in my systems and ancestral templating – emotions stuck that went back through many generations of women in our family. Neither side of my ancestors were free of female issues, my paternal grandmother had many miscarriages.

I chose to pursue alternative healing for my condition and changed acupuncturists to someone who specialized in female reproductive issues as well as saw the care of someone who specialized in Maya Abdominal Massage. I knew it somehow effected my financial flow.

Back to my case. I knew there would be polarized positions presented, but one interesting thing that struck me was that my mental capacity at the time of my decision to enter into a contract was dismissed handily as “not a gun to my head.”

Sure felt like it. Every deadline. Every financial up and down. Every request. Even getting out of bed in the morning.

Addled Mind

My Dad still describes our exploration into the cultural context of leadership as a “feel-good trip to Japan.” Maybe he should have been there when I flew to Japan with $100 in my checking account hoping that would be enough to eat for one or two weeks, and hoping that my money would last and hoping that I didn’t get into any crises – my credit cards were maxed out.

Knowing that since none of my classmates had asked me to be in their groups stateside, the study abroad option was likely my best bet for finishing school and would provide a type of experience that you couldn’t really put into words. In fact, spirit wanted me to go to Japan – I wasn’t really given another option as the deadline approached.

However, my capacity to get the implications of complex contractual structures was most definitely impaired. I may have written A papers on business strategy but my emotional intelligence had diminished on the impact of stress alone.

I didn’t feel good. The trip to Japan though broadened my leadership capacity and opened my heart to other worlds I would not otherwise experience. That was priceless.

Japanese Mind

The evening after my case was closed, I went to the hotel bar for happy hour. I planned to turn in early. I’d already been up to Universal Studios. located in close proximity to the hotel, and gone on almost every bone-jarring ride experience I could get to in the two hours I had between the time I got back from court and closing time.

It happened to be the night the SF Giants won the closely contested Wild Card game with the Mets. I ended up staying later at the bar just to watch the game at which point I had made friends with the bartender Jeff and a Hitachi sales manager called Pete. Before long, Pete and I were discussing my MBA, my future in marketing and my confidence.

He hit the nail on the head when he said “you need more confidence.” He didn't have any quams about my capability to manage or my capacity to obtain a much more lucrative career position. He just knew I didn't always believe it myself.

I sometimes feel that thing Sheryl Sandberg wrote about in her book Lean In – Imposter Syndrome. I had a hard time believing I brought much to the table for a very long time. Even in my MBA, I was the Executive Assistant trying to change careers with the people who already had marketing titles, some of whom were VPs in their organizations and managing teams.

Nevermind I had already made a 16mm film for my previous Masters in Fine Arts, had built the organizational processes for my current company from scratch with little to no input or direction and onboarded almost 150 staff members while running complex office structures. I’d completed a book of short stories and poetry and published it with my own publishing company in 2010. I had multiple MLM type businesses under my belt and marketed my massage practice for years in California. As an EA, I had regular exposure to executive teams including CEOs and had experience as a contractor in almost every industry including start-ups in Silicon Valley.

But my mind concentrated on all the things I HADN’T DONE RIGHT. All the time. At least until I started using EFT regularly to reprogram my brain and release some of these old beliefs that still lingered, and influenced my existence.

Winning Mind

Back to Pete. Pete made a compelling case for my wins – the court case, the Giant’s game, the trip to LA (paid for by someone else), the fact he was going to pay for my drinks/dinner. Pete said “you need to believe that you will keep winning.”

This week, I will attend my first MIMA marketing committee meeting as a volunteer. I already wrote about my resistance to this process. But whose resistance was it really – that part of me that felt I’d never succeed? My parents who thought that organizations could “take advantage of me?”

I came back from LA with Pete’s words echoing and a massive headache from the sushi and sake we ate and drank later with his co-worker, and another woman in town up for the adventure, Maria. But the words rang true. I would keep winning. I’d show up at that board table and at my networking events knowing my future was in front not behind me. I knew I may not please everyone and some people I’d make downright uncomfortable. I’d be doing it anyway.

#impostersyndrome #YouCaring #EFT #jobsearching #energyclearing #creativity #personaljourney #SoulJourney #Healing #Authenticity #Money #SacredJourney #WomensIssues #Spirituality #Writing #Relationship #business #meetings #jobs #Travel #process #emotionalsupport #finances #story #change #life #LosAngeles #Winning #mindset

Momentum and Projection - Authenticity Meets Resistence

This morning I spoke with a contact within my current company about working on some marketing projects. It may take a bit of time for that process to play out but looks promising.

I also joined the local marketing organization MIMA (Minnesota Interactive Marketing Association). I had to use the $20/month option in order to spread out the payments. I didn't want to wait though to get the process moving. I immediately submitted the volunteer form for the organization – we’ll see where that takes me.

My father reached out to me last night. He’d heard from my brother, who heard from a friend of his that I had a Facebook posting or crowdfunding post – not sure which they saw asking for money.

Not sure what my brother thought of the post just that they were speaking of it. I’m really unclear why the triangulation here or why my brother couldn’t speak to me about it or even what the nature of the conversation was.

Nevertheless, it prompted another donation to the cause albeit with some explanations about things I should be doing or wasn’t doing correctly. I find this sort of communication difficult. Emails are terrible for missed emotional cues, even though I try to lay them out as succinctly as possible.

It still seems like there is this antagonistic barrier here like I am somehow hurting others by being more myself, or Going for Gold, or speaking up and sharing my process. Except in practice I find my community growing - I was invited by one contact into a personal networking project, for example and other people have posted on my Facebook business/author page or personal page. I am having quite a bit of interaction on it and mostly positive. My personal brand, blog and website is finding its own. I am finding myself.

I did more clearing work last night on my energy field including some EFT style “Butterfly Hugs” to pinpoint some emotional stuff coming up around family issues. I find that it has to be a daily practice at this point – everyone has opinions and ideas. It is easy to get bogged down in “information” overload and triggered – especially with family stuff. For me especially, as an empath my tendency is to take on all these ideas and then try to create from them and please people.

While I appreciate the concept that I “should be” working two or three jobs or moving into a room in a house with roommates or cutting out any pleasurable activity “just to get by,” I guess I am not clear that this approach will be the best solution. That is ONE solution that people buy into. Do I have to hold the point of view that suffering leads one out into the promised land?

Fact is, I am suffering when I don’t join MIMA and other marketing organizations. I am suffering when I can’t afford the $600 ticket into the MIMA Summit in October and might be missing out on learning opportunities and network building. I am suffering not being able to get a ticket to the Blogger Conference because I am worried about food, or gas for my car.

If my body can’t take working three jobs and not getting enough sleep does that make me a bad person who just “can’t get it together?” I’d like to suggest maybe these concepts are more unconscious templates that just heap on judgements and don’t solve anything for anyone.

I feel like I need to concentrate on the extra work I will be doing for my internal marketing department, volunteering at MIMA and seeing if I can get a scholarship to some of these events, or a benefactor to help defray the costs.

People have thrown up my age as some weapon in the process. “You’re XX, you should have it together by now.” Really? Why is age an indicator of success by your terms? Maybe my soul has a plan that is bigger and better than your small mindedness can see right now.

Why is it that my working for the same company for two years with multiple successes under my belt in the role – respect of peers and management included, completion of fulltime MBA (while working), viable website and written materials, beautiful friends and connections is not “SUCCESS?”

Why my crowdfunding site is somehow a family embarrassment instead of a well-thought out strategy to raise funds for my website publishing business (with me as author/artist/healer) and my career development - $600 conferences – is somehow less than or different from a high-tech app going for angel funding? I wanted to experiment and change something - I took action.

I still don’t get the disconnect frankly. Perhaps I am supposed to be quiet about it and stay private and not speak up. Suffer alone as I had been doing. Keep it in the fam. Act professional by some standard set-up in people’s minds. Guess I don’t know my place?

I’ll write more on the concept of unconditional support and connection later. Of course you can’t force it from people. Not everyone can provide that. Still, I question everyday what template it is that is being used to compare my actions/experiences and then spit them back as “not ok.”

Despite all this, I am forging through and past the distractions. Clearing my energy field and working on increasing my efficacy in the areas of communication, creating relationships, finding alternative solutions to seemingly insurmountable issues and building my spiritual practice through yoga and meditation.

2016 (a 9 year in numerology and a clear harbinger of completion) has been a categorical BITCH.

We have 3 more months of 2016 and a set-up timeframe in 2017 to go, probably. 2017 though is a 1 year and things will flow much more smoothly (or so they say).

If anyone can help with the MIMA summit or MN Blogger conference – I’d be very interested in going. You can donate to me directly, or purchase the ticket or send money to my YouCaring campaign.

In the meantime, I look forward to sharing my experiences of growth and development here.

#fundraising #emotionalsupport #writing #yoga #Love #Journey #jobsearching #change #life #finances #Relationship #Authenticity #process #selflove #creative #creativity #Money #story #Vulnerability #Healing #family #SoulJourney #energyclearing #EFT #Butterflyhug #YouCare #Spirituality #personaljourney

Asking for Help...A story of my changing life

I’ll admit – I haven’t been good at asking for help.

I grew up with lessons on “pulling yourself up by the bootstraps” and “working hard pays off” and loads of other templates and thought-forms that may or may not actually work.

Have we really ever considered the types of things we believe or think, where they have come from and whether or not they are in our best interest?

I got my MBA in Integrated Marketing Communications. I am sure many people have stories of grueling school programs and life experiences. The constant pace of full-time school and a full-time job that was quite demanding, accumulated and by the time I had only a few months left of school, I was burnt out, sick all the time and could barely think straight.

I had hoped in the two years of being in school that our program leaders would have established connections for networking with local businesses. We were the first people through a new regional MBA, albeit at a nationally recognized school – St Catherine University – and at the time, the only MBA or advanced degree in Integrated Marketing.

Instead, leadership had dropped the ball on any kind of post-grad recruiting program and they did little to establish networking affiliations, or have any courses on how to search for jobs post MBA. I may have been the only person in the program at the time who was not already working in the field, or at least in a company that recognized them with a promotion.

My company was in the middle of a huge merger integration and not hiring or promoting unless it directly related to underwriting loans. As an Executive Assistant, it is a known fact that moving up from these positions is next to impossible. At my brother’s wedding in May, I had numerous conversations with people on the subject, all concurring with this point of view, and saying that they’d heard of ‘maybe one time’ that an EA was promoted to a leadership position within the same company.

Things didn’t look great but I had high hopes that my twenty years of managing offices and execs, my writing and artistic background and my MBA would coalesce quickly into a mid-level position in advertising or in integrated marketing.

Several months of no responses to any resume I sent out began to erode my confidence. After attending several networking events, all of which required a fee to get in, I began to realize just how closed a market I was dealing with. Local agencies in Minneapolis may be plentiful, however it is a “who you know” type business with a skittish approach to hiring newbies and outsiders.

In corporate marketing, integrated approaches are sadly, still in their infancy. In addition, many of the top employers were not hiring – they may have jobs posted, but that is not the same thing. I started to talk with people in my now growing network -- 3M and Ecolab were in hiring freezes, using contractors or moving people around within. Also, the larger companies had established MBA recruiting programs with the local schools (other than mine) and avenues for post-grad internships were closed.

Several more months of “no thank you” responses to my resume and/or dead silence, whittled away even more confidence. It wasn’t until I was in a dead depression and the Olympics came on that I began to listen to stories of world class athletes. These guys went through tremendous pain, mental suffering, bad choices, and various other physical and real life challenges – the difference between their attitude and mine seemed to be tenacity under fire.

At that point, I joined an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) circle and began to tap away on my meridian points to lift some of the emotional baggage I was carrying – from all these thoughts and feelings. As they released, I felt my confidence return, and I knew that I could eventually overcome all these challenges.

The main issue that was coming up for me after months out of school with no change in income, was my finances. They were spiraling out of control. Networking events cost money. Running this website – which I use as portfolio -- cost money, my apartment rent was more than my paycheck (EAs aren’t valued financially either) and I was stuck in a lease until the beginning of 2017. I needed to maintain LinkedIn Premium for job hunting purposes, get business cards, keep up my appearance. You name it and I was bleeding red.

I had been keeping it all going with the idea that the BIG JOB would be around the corner and that simply had not materialized. My parents decided the best they could do was pay my car payment – another expense I took on so I could go to job interviews, get to work and be more flexible. However, they were really antagonistic about how long it was taking, and how much money I needed to do it.

I honestly felt emotionally and materially unsupported. How was I supposed to “Go for Gold” in this career move if I couldn’t afford a decent pair of shoes, pay for parking at job interviews, join the networking groups etc.

I was between a rock and hard place. And I was sinking!

I don’t mean to complain, but our society is ubiquitous with templates and concepts that promote the idea that job hunting is easy or should be a piece of cake – I guess that is why I thought I would have a recruiting program to help me when I graduated. Templates which say you can establish businesses without some kind of capital outlay and that something is wrong with you if you don’t get networking right away.

Sure I was going to need to grow up in this process and figure it out, but it is hard to figure it out when you are worrying that you will be homeless or have to deal with less than ideal living arrangements while simultaneously keeping up the job hunt.

More recently, I made enough contacts that informational interviews began to happen. They were great – I learned a lot at each one. However, the biggest feedback from them was that I needed more practical experience – internships of sorts, like offering my work to non-profits, joining marketing membership organizations and volunteering on committees. Attendance at local conferences and training opportunities was another aspect of this.

With what resources? I am barely getting by.

So that is where I am at – after a weekend in which my iPhone screen broke so badly I needed an emergency repair I couldn’t afford – the climbing overdraft fees from all the rent checks and stuff I needed to pay meant I never got paid a full check anyway and I had to ask for help.

What’s more, I felt like I might be able to offer my services and raise awareness for my story in the process. It’s not just financial help I need. I need emotional support too. However, I am at risk for losing my apartment at this point. I have nowhere else to go and an eviction stays on your record a long time.

There is all this potential here – I have an MBA, plenty of skills and attributes. What I need now is people to assist with some capital to get to the next step of this journey successfully.

In exchange, I will write about my journey here. If you want to work with me on your business' integrated planning, do coaching or healing work for yourself or your business, that is great too. Building client takes time and money too - remember those networking events?

In the meantime, I will make sure to keep my campaign going so that I can break into this new field, gain the experience I need and keep things floating. Please consider donating on my YouCare site today. I really can't do this alone.

#YouCare #fundraising #story #personaljourney #Money #creative #life #trust #emotionalsupport #finances #Authenticity

The Engaging Camilla or How to be Authentic Self

I met Camilla for the first and only time at the Movies in the Park feature at Lake Harriett bandshell. We were waiting patiently for the movie to start and she was with her Mom and others on a blanket next to ours.

As the movie began, Camilla started working the crowd. Jumping around and yelling “Stop!” Not sure what she wanted to stop but we were all smiling.

She strutted her small self around, commanding attention and was far more entertaining, perhaps than Princess Bride, being projected on the big screen.

Before long, Camilla, who could not have been more than 2 years old, decided I looked like a fun playmate. Under the watchful eye of Mom, she waddled over to my blanket and proceeded to grab my hands so she could dance, clamber on my legs and jump up and down.

Talk about “being the change” you want to see in the world. She had absolutely no barriers common amongst us adults – fear, rules, social morays of one sort or another. She knew I was a trustworthy individual and Mom wasn’t that far away.

Camilla tired of dancing on my legs and decided she’d do run and leaps. Before long she and I were hugging and laughing because her tiny, 20 lbs? was enough to push me over when she leaped at me the right way.

The next game she tried to play was running away from us entirely into the crowd. Mom would let her go a bit, to experience some joy of deviousness or adventure, but was soon picking her up and bring her back to the safety of the blanket. Camilla, undeterred tried it again – maybe 3 more times.

It was at this point, she started to stay closer to Mom. Camilla spent the rest of the time with caregivers leaping about until the show ended and she was falling asleep in her stroller.

I tried one last time to say “Goodnight.” Camilla had retreated into herself, ready to fall into a deep sleep; perhaps to dream of circuses. We went our separate ways.

I have thought about Camilla several times since she shared creative play with me. The fearlessless, the audacity to be herself, the strength of character – no holding back there. Her childish innocence coupled with a genuine interest in adventure and other people she found to play with.

She had a strong aura, a charm and trusted her gut instincts/intuition. Her parents, whoever they are, clearly allowed her to maintain her sense of self without imposition, giving her some leeway and adventure while simultaneously placing secure boundaries upon it. Not the usual “be careful.” It was just unstated like a circle of trust, a constant vigilance. Watched but not obscured.

Really, what struck me so much about Camilla, is the lasting impression she has left. A gift. I want to take with me all that adventure, play and fun and bring a bit more of that sassy self into my everyday life. What fun can be had by being brave and daring and silly?

#Coaching #Authenticity #SoulJourney #WomensIssues #Innerlandscapes #Vulnerability #SacredJourney #Healing #change #aura #Children #life #intuition #trust