Day 9: Chaos and other fun tales AKA Pixel phone charger cords are a racket

Wake up call - not possible

Let’s just start off today’s blog by saying, it was not Gina’s finest hour at almost any point throughout the day.

My phone has been acting up for weeks and yesterday night, it simply stopped charging. That means I couldn’t turn it on or use it. I tried a few things with the cable but I think it had seen its last days. I was 95% sure it was the cable, and 5% worried it was like the February incident when I needed a replacement phone. They make these cables to work for about 3 months, if you are lucky. Or at least the way I use them, anyway.

Finances and my declining mindset

Unfortunately, my weekly unemployment only paid some of the over-draft which I had on the account. I was confident though I could pay off the rest of it with Friday’s restaurant checks.

Nevertheless, could I wait until Friday to spend any money at all? Things stacked against me honestly. I received notice from one recruitment firm, that some jobs had come in and they ’d be contacting me.

I have a MIMA event Thursday, and I had an appointment Thursday I needed to move, or I’d be charged. I had no way of reaching them other than by calling.

We’re in a world dictated by technology and our meetings, activities and social contracts require its ready availability. I made the decision to go get a cord. For some reason this was when things started going downhill.

I should have stayed home and other life lessons, learned too late

I did as much as I could without a phone then walked to the CVS where I had bought my previous cable. My first mistake was not bringing the old cable. By the time I got there, I forgot exactly what I needed. Why did I forget? Honestly, I don’t know. I knew something wasn’t quite right with the cable that the store clerk was “Sure” would fit. I ignored the warning signals and went with his advice.

I guess I was more concerned that if I needed a new phone, it requires a trip to the Verizon store and a 24-48 hour turnaround when they mail you a replacement. I wanted to figure this out as soon as possible so I rushed through the process and didn't think clearly. We can just chalk it up to Mercury Retrograde, or all the other retrogrades. I was hungry. Stress from my finances and job search or on-coming senility. Take your pick.

The ordeal - in short

By the time the whole ordeal was over, I’d been to CVS #1 twice, gotten mad at the clerk for selling me the wrong cord which cost me an overdraft charge. Which I had planned. I turned down the real replacement option, which cost more, due to wanting to avoid a second overdraft.

Ventured to two more CVS locations in the car which turned out to have exactly the same cords. The end result being, I bought one anyway and incurred the second charge. Nasty traffic concluded the affairs since it was by this time rush hour.

Accused of stealing!

At the last CVS, in a seedier part of St Paul, I was accused by the security guard via the store clerk of stealing Pringles potato chips (she saw it with her own eyes apparently). I think she did it because she was annoyed that I found her in the back of the store and made her get me a cord from the case. Weird. I had no Pringles nor even thought about chips the entire day.

The final chapter

Phone is happy. I am annoyed, over-heated and CVS store clerks all over town thing I am insane.

When I got home, two roommates had taken over the entire kitchen (it is too small for one person let alone three) so I had to wait or work around them to microwave food that wasn’t even that good.

Website - go check it out

Meanwhile, this past week, I’ve been redesigning my website. I swear while I am in the middle of creative projects using technology, I am also talking to myself and yelling at the computer. Luckily the Wix portal has a back button because stuff was not working or inadvertently got erased a few times.

Every time I *think* I am done, I spend another half hour tweaking and saving and tweaking.

I should know these things are never truly done. I’ll probably undo it all tomorrow.

Oh, and I lost my keys and tore my room apart only to find them in the first place I looked and looked three more times before seeing them there. I yelled at the Spirit Guides to return them so maybe they did.

Can Chaos refrain from joining me tomorrow? That would be great…

Eventually I'll have a chapter on how to recover from chaotic days like this one by following rules of sane behavior....or something.

#2018 #frustrations #financialhealth #selfhelp #breakthrough #mind #innerwork #betterchoices #energy #connectiontoself #soul #Transformation #bestself #career #jobsearching #process #knowing

Day 8: New vistas, old habits, journey of the soul and other Truths as summer winds down

I took a shift unexpectedly at the restaurant downtown today. Biked home and realized half-way that it was Tuesday night work crew at the Saint Paul Curling Club.

Stopped in to see what the summer projects were all about. Loni mentioned that while the roster wasn’t large, they’d managed to wait until the last minute, once again to complete things.

The ice set-up projects will start next week!

Hard to imagine that in just a month, fall activities will begin and temps will start to drop. The State Fair – our big Minnesota get together will be completed and Halloween on its way.

I’ve never known any place to have summer last less than three months. Why did I have a soul contract for this place again? If you’d asked me in 2001 if I’d ever leave California and venture to the mid-west, and a city, I’d have cringed. I always saw myself settling in the country like up in Napa or Petaluma with a large tract of land, maybe working for a vineyard.

The first time I got confronted with the idea of living in a city was when I took my first CTI coaching courses back in 2005. We did a guided “future self” meditation where we went to visit ourselves 20 years in the future. My future self was wearing a suit and hanging out in an office space in a city I didn’t recognize. The only ones I thought remotely close in size and scope were San Francisco or Los Angeles and I hated those places. I ran out of the room crying.

When much later, around 2008/2009 I was introduced to Minneapolis-St Paul I freaked out because it looked just like the “future self” meditation, and I felt like I’d been there before. It took several more coaching classes and sessions to consider that maybe my soul had been speaking for a long time. So, while it may have seemed like a sudden, or even insane decision by some who didn’t know the whole story – I’d been working with the idea for quite some time.

I tried to avoid it for about another year. Increasingly though I had this strange internal nudging going on. The temp jobs I took were more and more temporary – often working for companies that were about to go under or were in merger-acquisition. In the end, I stopped getting jobs altogether. The only thing that kept rearing its “ugly” head was this idea of re-location.

Our souls know exactly what we should be doing. Maybe, I knew better than to avoid the call too long. No need to get hit over the head with a two-by-four to wake up to my future.

Back at the curling club, we talked summer projects, curling, boats, an open bartender spot. We ate pizza and drank beer (and no I didn't do any work - I was told to come back next week) I was reminded just how fast the summer had gone. Perhaps the constant stream of interviews, job hunting and MIMA work kept me busy. Here I thought I’d have a job and move from my sub-let to my own apartment or something. No such luck.

Dreams don’t always land the way you think they will. We can have all the pre-conceived notions we want of life, or even the people in our lives and many times they’ll simply not add up. I had no idea what I was getting into when I first moved to the Twin Cities in March of 2010 with two suitcases and a dream.

The path and the journey has both been more amazing than I could have imagined and more daunting. I didn’t know when I moved that starting over would mean literally from scratch. Or that I would meet so many amazing folks from all walks of life, who’ve turned into friends. Or that I’d be confronted with the most difficult people and situations I’d ever experience, having to dig deep to find my True North, gain personal efficacy and know the potency of my determination and strength.

More changes are coming. The summer is winding down. Decisions need to be made. New choices, new vistas and grappling with our winter weather, once again. What magic will the holidays hold for 2018? A year of deep spiritual awakening.

What new horizons will show themselves and what will continue to stay the same, not quite going as planned or changing direction altogether. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

#2018 #frustrations #selfhelp #intimacy #connectiontoself #connection #TrueNorth #Curling #betterchoices #innerwork #energy #energyclearing #Relating #patterns #seasons #heart #knowing #personaljourney #Journey #soul #SoulJourney #Soulmates #Innerlandscapes #life #Relationship #Writing #coaching

Day 5: Stories of Unexpected Outcomes and the Role of the Universe

The Universe works in mysterious ways. At 11:45am I got a call from my co-worker at the movie theater restaurant.

She needed someone to cover her shift.

I wasn’t going to make it on time for her original schedule, but management was OK for a late start. In the end, I was the only server on duty through a pretty busy dinner too. The 2nd server for the night called in sick.

That sort of unexpected situation with money has been happening more lately. Just yesterday, a good friend of mine sent me money via Venmo so I’d have a nice weekend.

After work tonight, I spoke with a server at Raku, a sushi place near the theater. He was telling me he frequently fixes cars for others or helps them out with service (i.e. picking up stuff at the store). I told him I thought that was the direction of how the world needed to head. This I-I-Me-Me thing wasn’t working right.

Seems to me, while I have been cash poor lately, I have received from the Universe, all kinds of in-kind exchanges and free money (finding change on the ground is a good example).

The unexpected call put my Day 5 writing behind schedule. I still feel committed to writing a little something though. Technically it is 2AM Day 6, but I can write two blogs in one day.

My server friend wasn’t sure everyone on the planet would “get” this way of thinking that we were speaking of. I mentioned that without the care, attention and flexibility of friends and roommates this past year, I’d not have survived.

It wasn’t always easy to receive. It wasn’t what I was brought up to think. However, it made me realize that often, the Universe picks people for whom money flows and uses their allowance and generosity of spirit to create for others. So really, it isn’t up to use to determine who is deserving, more like up to us to listen to the call of Spirit.

Receiving is clearly something I have a problem with because otherwise I’d have everything I need and want.

The Universe has been trying to school me on how gifting and receiving are part of the same paradigm. In other words, was it an issue with receiving or was I just not gifting?

I believe part of this impetus to write daily, no matter who reads this or if they even hire me for marketing / content work or anything like that – is the idea of gifting what I know to others.

I’d been thinking about this issue with my family and what I was taught. There is a Gifting & Receiving Universe and then there is Give and Take. Those who exist in a Gift and Take Universe, are always expecting from others. An example might be someone gives you a meal and then expects sex in return. You know the feeling and it is common in our reality. So, you think, well I can’t ever receive because it come with strings. I don’t want to have sex with those people.

Unfortunately, when you aren’t receiving (even hypothetically) then the money (which is energy) fails to show up. You keep shutting the doors and you wonder – shit why can’t I see a change in my bank account. Or, my bank account is worse than ever!

Money is a relationship and needs the same care and attention as a lover. Gratitude, Trust, Allowance, Vulnerability. Authenticity.

Of course, past traumas won’t make it easy to be any of those let alone one or two. That’s where the work comes in. The energy or somatic healing and therapy. I’ve never seen an easy way out – in this time and space, we’re going to have to address the issues head on.

I was used to a Give & Take Universe and therefore, since I’d cut off my ability to receive somewhere along the line, so that I wouldn’t feel obligated, I had to do the work to shift this point of view which limited my Universe. I wish it were a snap of the finger. It’s a daily practice, really, along with the help of my energy therapists.

Each day I work I value myself, and my choice, and my relationship with money more and more. It doesn’t always appear like I thought. Plus, the results we think we want may morph and change or take longer. Beating ourselves up about a process or trying to fit in doesn’t work.

The day before my friend sent me money, I was clearing some blocks and being in question. At the same time, I was confronted with this reality and the no question universe which seems to be all around me. I felt like I was in a bad mood.

The next day, when the money showed up, I got the awareness that maybe if I had trusted the Universe the night before, I’d have been better off…

Then the following day (today), I received/created a shift at work with cash tips I wasn’t expecting too. So, the awareness grew to “the Universe always has your back even when you sometimes fuck up.”

#2018 #frustrations #Money #breakthrough #ancestraltrauma #mind #innerwork #Winning #knowing #financialhealth #betterchoices #energy #connectiontoself #selfhelp #wellness #bestself #selfempowerment #selflove #soul #Transformation #familytrauma #family #Heartwalls #Relating #Relationship #patterns #newoutlook #personaljourney #mindset #process #finances #SacredJourney #energyclearing #clearing