Updated: Feb 12, 2020
Here we are…living in the present moment. Nothing works that used to and everything falls into place which the mind will say isn’t meant to. And yet, there is this peaceful straightforwardness to the stuff that falls into place. We aren’t striving or trying too hard.
I am living in a hostel in Edina, on a bunk bed in a room with 3 or 4 other people depending on the night. Then again, maybe something else is going on too. My connection to the guy who runs the place has taken a turn I could not predict or explain when I arrived.
I was in trouble that 24 hours. The place I was living, a friend’s apartment turned sour. You could find all kinds of 3D reasons, all of them may have sounded reasonable. And yet she had been so clear it was no big deal to stay there until she moved Oct 31. Maybe even take over the apartment. Until it became a big deal.
Could it be she didn’t get the rebuilding that was going on? Or didn’t want to. I could receive the judgment and make money from it…energy flowing through me. She was probably preoccupied with her own instability.
I still can’t repay much or any debt. I’ve been to court and come up with a payment plan for the $1600 I owe on a credit card debt. And yes, they do that now and can and you have to pay it. I could beat myself up but my 10% account actually has money it for the first time solidly and my YNAB is working.
Although it isn’t easy. I can feel the tide of resources coming and going…I am in charge of whether I fall off the wagon or not.
Anyway, I was living in one place. A co-worker changed her mind. The trauma came out of my body the beat of a drum. We weren’t prepared. We were prepared – whichever perspective you take.
I spent one night in situation I’d hope never to re-live…it led to an early morning search for an Air BnB – a service I’d never used and yet I was guided to at that moment. I located a hostel in Edina.
I showed up, spent the first night in a bunk sleeping next to a troubled man named Phillip. I learned just how troubled in the weeks to come.
The next day, I was headed out to shop groceries for Instacart. I met Pedro, the young manager of the house as he was doing work around the property. He couldn’t shake hands because he had been doing something – or other and they were wet. And yet, I was struck by his face, his way of being, I suppose.
And this interest wasn’t insane or over-reaching. It just existed there like a curiosity.
As it turned out, this would be a healing place. It certainly didn’t look that way at first. The rooms are quirky and the residents quirkier. There is often a pile of dishes in the sink. The smoke of a burned pizza might permeate the living room.
My stuff is organized in a locker. And yet there is this fate about the situation I can’t explain. The story is all around me. The beat of the internal drum – shifting. I work my restaurant jobs, blog, heal…releasing the depth of my trauma through my weekly BodyCode sessions.
Then Pedro shows up to the house and the entire Universe starts to fall into place…like a grid with the tiny planets revolving. I can see the stars and the planets and move them around. And I have no idea why this is the case. Laughter is a common sound.
Then it doesn’t matter for moment if the reason I got an MBA, and volunteered and wrote blogs for free and whatever…the fact that it hasn’t materialized a career – just floats in the ethers. I have no idea if it ever will – maybe the whole point of everything I ever did was to get the point where it didn’t matter? I can be happy and content just Be-ing. Everything is as it should be.
I can dance in the living room with Pedro and find myself in this situation. Writing and telling stories and seeing where it goes. And in the morning, I have an interview with Scott Belsky. We can come back down to Earth and the MBA can return and we’ll be writing a web blog for MIMA. Life is weird. And sometimes it takes you to places you never thought you would go.
In the end, you are there realizing that "getting there" was never the intended plan.
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