Internal, External, Social and Change of the Self

My path has been internal since early May – at least as far as blogging on my personal site goes. My work with Three-Dimensional (T3) Therapy practitioner, Peg Sutherland, continued 2-3 times, per month. Processing and shifting, was a whole other matter. As layers of my ancestral/family karma broke down, I really couldn’t do much more than focus on myself.

I felt like I was in a stormy sea, my boat about to capsize. Perhaps, a few times it did and I held on to the side, hoping I’d survive somehow. Fighting with family members became more intense as dysfunctional energetic circuits, and past beliefs were cleared through the timelines and in my personal field.

How it appeared IRL (in real life) was often barely explainable so I just stopped explaining or justifying -- to myself, to others, to social media. Other times, I let various sub-personalities bob to the surface, as their energies upgraded, their voice needed to come out or they felt they needed to be heard. Often, I was a witness to my own soul – sort of like a parent watching a teenager learn to drive for the first time.

Meanwhile in “everyday reality” – I was working, dealing with finances (which blew up time and time again), making good choices and bad, volunteering for MIMA (Minnesota Interactive Marketing Association), even taking on the Marketing Chair role and applying for and getting turned down for jobs – over and over. A seeming endless supply of no. Sometimes with a personal touch, like the supposed networking contacts that would suddenly become silent if I actually applied for the job that they were hawking on social. My personal favorite: you don’t have enough experience (or too much?).

The other side of the coin included the realization that my family members weren’t going to sit idly by and support me emotionally. Or maybe, someday after I am on the other side of clearing out all the shared, passed on, and ancestral beliefs that were woven into my chakra systems, and I was humming along like a fine-oiled machine – I could imagine that the constant negatively charged emails, support checks that came late or reduced by $100s so I had to incur overdraft fees, and borrow money at exorbitant interest rates as well as the barrage of judgments like “you should have had your act together by now...” were all in my best interest.

That somehow – I owed my family allegiance, or silence or that my social posts, blogs and Facebook Lives were just too much for them. While it is possible, and probable that I misinterpreted through the lens of my process some of the intentions, I also know that unconditional acceptance has never been part of the mix. Moreover, my sessions were leading me to believe I’d carried ancestral belief systems which contributed to just that – including my feelings of shame and guilt for not being “good enough” which I held for myself.

My experience of my family flew in the face of the learnings from “Evolutionary Love Relationships” by Saade/Harvey. Also, the more time I spent with the new friends I was making as well as the old ones, whose generally supportive, unconditional families were like a whole new frontier, the more I saw real life examples of how it could be. This was both gratifying and difficult. Gratifying because I could reform in my mind a self- concept and community concept based on unconditional love, and difficult because I’d face I never really had that. What I accepted as normal was not in fact normal at all. Possibly even abusive and that abuse had been normalized.

Often, my own internal struggles were mirrored not just in my family of origin but in politics, where our President, cabinet and other players as well as world events were literally “blowing up” on a daily basis and things as we had known them could no longer be counted upon.

Still, over the course of the summer, I have had some peak moments that didn’t involve crying in the park under my sunglasses (yes that happened on Canada Day after a very difficult 24-hours with family/money). I deepened my connection to a whole new group of friends in my neighborhood – even as I knew I would need to move out, took two trips to the Minnesota State Fair, experienced more laughter and inner knowing and discovering “what I am called to create” and got bought plenty of alcohol on my birthday with the private social media group “Lowertown Drinking Club.”

I am still in process, but quickly getting clearer about what I want in relationship when it shows up, how I want to feel (or not) and what true love really means to me. I am also learning that not everything spiritual or related to the Law of Attraction comes to you in the way you originally envisioned. Sometimes it is very, very different and the true path is learning to accept and go with the flow.

I did a shit ton of letting go – friends, self-concepts, original concepts about my dreams/career, long-held boundaries – yes, I might move in with roommates again, yes, I would be willing to do a 2nd job in restaurants, yes – I would keep working at the same job I’d had for the last 3 years (at least for now).

Not sure that I am totally “at one” with trusting God/Goddess with all this – sometimes I throw a fit like the best of them. And yet, little by little I have gotten more secure in my position and understanding and my belief in myself. My intuition feels clearer than ever.

And here we are…in a new Universe with the world as my oyster…almost.

Want to work with me? Coaching, healing work such as Access Consciousness Bars, Akashic Record readings and transformational energywork - bookings available online or send me an email. I accept payments/ donations through Paypal in order to sustain myself and build my business.

In addition to personal transformation, we can work on your branding and marketing also bookable via my Online booking portal. You can also provide donations/trades of the following: acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, food, gas, pay for my Internet or anything you can suggest. Look forward to working with you!

#soul #EvolutionaryLove #Transformation #intimacy #romance #Heartwalls #EmotionCode #threedimensionaltherapy #empathic #career #networking #Marketing #mindset #process #learning #MIMA #jobsearching #energyclearing #emotionalsupport #personaljourney #change #life #story #family #Love #selflove #writing

Evolutionary Love and the Third Energy Exchange

Nocturnally, I must have been studying and practicing the lessons from the course Evolutionary Love, which I am taking with Andrew Harvey and Chris Saade. All of a sudden, material that was last week difficult to wrap my head around, becomes something I am living.

Four weeks into the course, and the first few lessons on accepting self and other as profound expressions of the divine, are sinking in. I am looking at people, places and situations from the position of this epic love. A lens I am new too – I spent most of my adult life in a type of epic suffering built on a history of epic judgement.

Wasn’t until I was releasing family/ ancestral trauma through the T3 work, that I experienced, at least temporarily, in the release, just how deep and dark all that stuff really is which we have taken on collectively. Would be hard to see the divine in all those traumas – thoughtforms on top of and wound into thoughtforms like snakes coiled in the grass.

As I awaken in this lighter landscape, my creativity and my heart opens along with the dropping of heartwalls going back generations. Once removed, I am challenged as my ego fights and then reforms around new thoughtforms, kind ones, expansive ones, broadcasting outward and resonating with a new vibration.

In the midst of all this shifting, the third energy that rises above and through my twinflame and I, grows stronger. As we clear, we experience the polarity of darkness as the basements of our collective thoughts trigger and then washes away old beliefs. We are “attacked” by them and must keep clearing and be free, rising again into the light at greater aptitude.

There is nothing more amazing than the Third Energy. As we clear, we create more than just the two of us, between us, around us and blasting outward through time and space.

Back to the course. I am retraining my brain and my heart to work together, not separately. To function as one big system flowing between soul, love and thought. Thoughts of deepest love become real and show up on my street or at work or the curling club. I am practicing self-acceptance. I am seeing how nothing was actually ever wrong.

My new manifesting practices from Master Soul University, are confusing initially as they are foreign to my mind, which wants to control everything and believe in nothing. Or maybe it is attuned to failure and strife over trust and ease. In the weeks after the lessons, though I see myself practicing the techniques and seeing the progress. What I learn is conscious manifesting is not just desire made real, through will, it is a way of existing. Flowing through time. My journey is not a sign of failure.

I step into seeing my twinflame as the divine expression that he is – his flaws, his past, his wounds, his habits, sense of humor and various choices. What flows from this creative practice, is I see myself that way. The Third Energy flows elliptically back and forth - giving and receiving. Quaint, strong, silly, occasionally uncontrollable. Creative. Does it matter? It is all good. I am drawing my wounds out from the space of “other” and into my whole me. I wouldn’t be ME without all that WHOLE-ness.

Still, even in the moment of meeting, we might experience something like fear or the primal wound or some insecurity and it is floating about us in the Third Energy. I think fast, and do something quick to recognize and clear the space. We could meet again ten minutes later and change the everything. Our choices create our reality and maybe we need ten minutes.

From the Third Energy comes the creativity. The awe-inspiring connection to the Divine that never leaves us unless we turn away and let fear rule. After a divine encounter of this nature, I find myself connected to a truthful voice that desires expression.

I might write in my novels for hours, write a short-short on Facebook statuses or simply watch TV surrounded by the energy itself, allowing my meditative state to bring forward new ideas or projects. My mission to touch people and express the Third Energy in all its glory and myriad forms.

In the moment of meeting, though I am realizing that we aren’t stuck in any template that exists like dating, or married or broken or benefits – we are way greater. It changes everything.

I accept payments/ donations through Paypal in order to sustain myself and build my business. I also accept PAID marketing work and sessions via my Online booking portal. If you know of someone hiring in Integrated Marketing Communications, I'll be delighted to apply. You can also provide donations of the following: acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, food, gas, pay for my Internet or hang out with me and support me emotionally in other ways.

#romantic #intimacy #TheForce #romance #Heartwalls #Relating #empathic #empath #career #process #learning #EvolutionaryLove #mindset #energyclearing #emotionalsupport #personaljourney #story #Relationship #trust #life #creative #knowing #Journey #Spirituality #heart #Soulmates #SoulJourney #soul

Blogging and Blogging and Spiritual Breakfast

I spent the last two days writing up MIMA blogs from the series of events I covered since February. We were behind publishing my work from earlier in the year due to a tech shift and things got hectic. Then we finally got all that work up so by then, more events happened.

I found it easier to write them – based on previous feedback and re-writes -- my style is flowing much better and I am finding my word choice becoming more refined. I am including links and other insightful ad-ons which work for the brand.

For my own site and brand, I wanted to blog twice a week and do a FB Live once a week but so far, I have managed 1:1 ratio, which will have to do for now.

I went to breakfast with Marty from AimClear. He gave me feedback on my FB posts – personal and other wise. Something about FB always being for work. Well shucks!

He suggested either sharing only with my tribe (for some posts) or simply not covering the range of my experience as most people wouldn’t get it or understand. He might not realize, this early in our friendship that I am lazy and making circles and defining post parameters is A LOT OF WORK.

Guess the thing is, putting myself “out there” to this degree is new for me and I really had been reluctant, namely because not being seen is much easier and requires fewer skills in self-management. It is possibly quite true that some areas of one’s psyche ought not to be shared generally.

There are a range of folks who follow my work, storytelling and posts and some of them are having trouble keeping up with my incessant need to be raw and uncompromising.

I am having trouble keeping up with it.

I am unclear that sharing this much is a necessary thing for me – but perhaps the exercise of trying it was a direction I took, for experimental purposes. I know what I am doing when I do it, however, how people interpret includes a wide range based on their own filters and understandings. The thing is not everyone actually knows me in person or hangs out or sees me working through things, or even understands the whole story. So they fill in the blanks and then you end up with distorted constructs to work with.

At the stage of skewed and distorted perceptions, I’d say I am receiving other people’s judgments and misunderstandings and stories, and not all of it is beneficial from a mental perspective.

Gary Douglas, from Access Consciousness fame, would say we need to receive everything as Interesting Point of View, and that other people’s judgments make us money. Maybe being raw and uncompromising in my lack of filter would be making me rich?

Marty also mentioned that money wasn’t everything. I get that in theory, and I’ll need to wrap my mind around it from a logistical perspective. I seem to have a certain lifestyle I enjoy (and it doesn’t include boats or fancy clothes – just a nice apartment and good food and travel -- and if I don’t make more money in the long run, it is likely I’ll have to learn to live on a lot less – fast. Apartments in downtown St Paul don’t run cheap.

If I could raise money to incorporate my publishing company and start the book publishing process – i.e. ISBN and other publishing aspects aren’t free – maybe I could just be super creative and publish work of mine and build that audience.

I’m still planning on attending Zenith Conference (of which Marty is a contributor) in a few weeks. I feel like I need the reset. Job apps go out periodically as they come up but I could use a boost in 1:1 connections or a push in a different direction – i.e. a small business consultant client that gives me my next area of growth and development.

In the meantime, we will persevere as usual. Hopefully more breakfasts and lunches and meetings of synchronicity will occur in the weeks ahead. New stories will develop and exciting options present themselves. One thing I know for sure, my T3 (Three-Dimensional Therapy) sessions are going deep. And it isn’t for the faint of heart how I feel in the 48 hours after them.

I still maintain though that there is something vitally important about leaving my Office Manager days behind me and moving into my field - somehow. If it's a corporate job, agency or consultant situation - I don't know yet.

I accept payments/ donations through Paypal in order to sustain myself and build my business. I also accept PAID marketing work and sessions via my Online booking portal. If you know of someone hiring in Integrated Marketing Communications, I'll be delighted to apply. You can also provide donations of the following: acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, food, gas, pay for my Internet or hang out with me and support me emotionally in other ways.

#Transformation #Food #Relating #EmotionCode #Heartwalls #empathic #empath #career #conferences #networking #Marketing #jobsearching #mindset #energyclearing #process #emotionalsupport #business #personaljourney #blog #MIMA #life #SustainingCreativity #Authenticity #Relationship