Updated: Feb 12, 2020
Community has been vital in my process with financial recovery. Without feeling grounded in the everyday rituals of friends, hobbies, nature, exercise and healthy outlook, I don’t think I could get through what it takes to shift my mindset.
Transformation, especially with all the projections, expectations, judgements and other faulty belief systems that permeate our culture, would be impossible without creating these rituals of everyday life. We need to be fully present to what each moment brings to create a different outcome.
People carrying the load of personal trauma, are often “floaters” – not fully present in their own body, their own humanity. They are escapees of what it takes to BE HERE NOW and instead long to remain separate from earth, separate from their own frailty and certainly from the dirty work of life. In fact, their connection to the source of all that is, even if they are “spiritual” tends to be unconsciously blocked.
Because our bodies are representations of who we are as spiritual beings, floaters don’t like their bodies or the message of their bodies anymore than seeing and sensing the complexities of the human existence. The failure to thrive, acted out in one form or another, is about not being grounded in the suffering that exists here. Because to be grounded in it means you must take personal responsibility for your portion of the debt.
Yes, that is the thing I avoided a long time. Not wanting to see the energy of money and create my life came from not really wanting to take personal responsibility for what I knew existed under the surface. I play acted at life. I read all the books, took the courses, went back to school several times.
I hoped that just doing those things would be enough and I would have a magical existence. When I went to film school at the age of 24, I imagined being a famous filmmaker. Nevertheless, not being grounded in my body, and deeply enmeshed in my personal trauma with co-dependent family bonding, doing what it took would have been impossible. Even if I had moved to LA, I would most certainly have been pray for the likes of people like Harvey Weinstein, who at the time of my graduation was already taking meetings in his hotel rooms.
While I had enough sense to not move to LA, I didn’t have enough strength to create my life. In fact, I was at the time of my graduation, so far above my body, and so deeply without structure, that I almost died.
The nature of community
It is important to note that the community I am referring to is a healthy one. Floaters will find unhealthy communities to which they look to prop up their fragile egos. Fellow drug addicts, poverty mindsets, alcoholics and nihilists aren’t healthy even if you all have a good time creating peak experiences of escaping.
Even spiritual communities are filled with fellow floaters looking to gurus, talking about their money problems, doing “healing” work that doesn’t get to the root of the issues and theorizing about the latest ideas on star gates and portals to other planets.
It took a long time to understand and embody healthy paradigms while developing the necessary skills to join healthy communities. Nevertheless, a healthy community is not so much a thing as a mindset itself.
Over the years, all my various exercises from learning to be a massage therapist, taking a coaching certificate, to moving to the Midwest all were attempts at fixing something I knew was not working. It was a path, and every time I took on a new project I did make some incremental shifts. Still, these pivot points obscured a voice in the back of my mind, a small whisper of “but you are still going to need to do this work.”
And here I am. I finally accepted what I avoided for so long. I finally saw that no other degree program or certificate was going to reach the depth of these traumas and heal the bonding wounds that reside in my DNA and energetic structure. These wounds are so unconscious, that as I uncovered them, I couldn’t believe the stories I was hearing from my soul and my body and my ancestors.
I also realized as I worked through these layers, that there was no way that my 24-year old self, craving fame, attention and validation as she was, would ever have been strong enough to handle this work.
Neither would I have been strong enough at all the other pivot points.
Universal timing was going to require from me this epic Hero’s Journey.
Back to community
I went out on my friend’s boat, Sunday. I originally met Duane (the owner of Skipping Stones) at the curling club, along with many of my other good friends. As I soaked in the St Croix with the beautiful trees and nature surrounding me, feeling the river grasses and undulating cool water caress my skin, I was happy to BE HERE NOW.
I took up curling when I arrived in the Twin Cities. It has turned out to be one of the most grounding and gratifying sports. The community is a strong one. It is not perfect. Both the healthy and the unhealthy exist in one space. Like everything, you have a choice which path you choose. The longer I curl and the more I heal, the choice to create a healthy and solid future becomes clear.
We have a choice to be here or float, pretending it all doesn’t matter, and complaining about the negative outcomes floating leads to. Being here is the work. Removing the blocks to us inhabiting our bodies and creating from the Universe, is the work. Creating healthy communities and positive paradigms is the work. Without doing the work WE will die. Either individually or collectively.
The healing is a choice.
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