Updated: Jul 2, 2020
The gap between August 29 and today
I haven’t written in nineteen days. In the meantime, I have moved – twice.
I am no longer living in settled housing. Maybe you could say I am unsettled.
If my sense of security was at all based on my own place to call home – it may have shifted in the four times I have lived in some other location since last October. Homes that weren’t my home. My stuff in some sort of storage.
Today, as I walked in Uptown, Minneapolis, I was remembering my time here in 2010. It was the location I lived for my first year in Minnesota. My trek took me past my second house in that first year. It’s been repainted, but the arbor which was lovingly taken care of back then, is dilapidated and skewed.
“How strange,” I thought. “Why did they paint the house and keep the broken arbor?” My alcoholic landlord is long gone. The house was sold. Time marched on.
Gifting and receiving
Earlier in the day, I had a healing session. We covered a few topics but one of them was a limiting belief that love, and money could not co-exist. I lived in some kind of either/or universe. So many of us do. What does Simone Milasas say – that most people are in the give/take universe. They are not gifting and receiving. I see evidence of that daily.
How do we change this? How do we become a Universe of gifting and receiving?
Learning something new
I conducted research today for an interview I am going to do with a speaker for an upcoming MIMA event. Cindy Gallop’s YouTube interviews and TedTalks were most definitely bold. I was immediately struck by a 60-something woman who said she mostly dated 20-year old men.
No aging points of view there. She wants to revolutionize the way we speak about sex. Make the everyday sex a natural thing, remove the shame from sharing our sex videos and talk boldly about cum.
Holy crap! I’ve been too afraid to write these blogs let alone share a sex video online. Try talking boldly about courting and true love. Wooing. Exploring the other authentically. I imagine myself giggling hysterically while making a sex video and posting it on Make Love Not Porn. But is anyone bold enough to make one with me?
Mostly, I was intrigued by Cindy's concepts about business and advertising. Female leadership. Changing the world. I wanted to do more of that.
I walked past shabby housing and several blocks of luxury apartments. I asked, “What would it take to once again have a place I could call my own?”
I thought – the difference between the $800 per month apartment that my friend rents and that luxury place might be that if I rented a $1400 per month place, I might not ever have to see my neighbor open the door completely naked while her cat escaped down the stairs. The smell of cat pee, stale cigarettes and bad vodka would probably not be an issue.
I am supposed to “live within my means” while simultaneously enjoying the dank odor of unlived lives.
What will it take to not be forced to live like this – happily pretending that it is OK?
Reducing my expenses has led me to not make as much and struggle harder. I haven’t seen what people have said are the positive results.
One of the good things about my new place for now, are the two felines that inhabit it with me. They’ve been fascinating companions so far. Two sisters, one black and one a gray tabby. They meow with incessant glee for their soft food in the morning, romp excitedly in the afternoon and sleep peacefully for hours each day. Often times, I wake in the middle of the night to one of them sleeping next to me in the bed. They seem to like being around me.
Occasionally, I catch them staring at me. Perhaps they are equally fascinated by my human behavior. What the heck could I possibly be doing on the computer all day, or something?
I had two interviews last week and one upcoming on Wednesday. Giorgio Moroder, the disco DJ who worked with Donna Summer, is in town Thursday. Meanwhile, I have no idea how I will make enough money to buy food or pay for new shoes, or make it through winter. It’s a weird kind of unknown.
Perhaps tomorrow I will concentrate on creating. Existing beyond this. Visualizing the ideal existence.
Finally obtaining the job offer or landing the paying client.
What do I do? I write stories or articles or web copy that speaks boldly about your business. We dare to take risks together, perhaps. You know you want to do things differently. Together we develop a brand that changes the planet.
We help each other build a planet where sustaining yourself, living in a nice apartment or eating properly isn’t a luxury but a birthright. We make money doing it.
Meanwhile, my mother worried today that I was speaking Minnesotan in job interviews. We live in strange times, such as these.
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