The Nine Houses: A beginning

I blogged previously about my journey. You are welcome to comb through my previous iterations.

However, recently I decided I wanted to create a series. I thought, rather than just recount my day-to-day experiences, I could write something about my time in various houses and rooms starting with the end of my seven years living in my own studio apartment. I’d title the series The Nine Houses.

Somehow each of these abodes represented a part of the healing of the internalized trauma. Of course, even after years of healing, it doesn't just magically go away. My relationship to the material changed drastically, however.

Each of The Nine has some specific meaning to me. They were experiences. They were homes. There were both wonderful and full of conflict. Sometimes at the same time. The ninth house, I won’t move into until April 1st. It may not be my last move, but I think it represents well a kind of closure point in the journey so far.

Healing is a process. Our 3D world often reflects the subconscious beliefs and any trauma that is held in our system. The trauma, as I found out as I healed, is not always from this lifetime. In fact, it can be passed down through the energetic and physical systems from ancestors long forgotten.

Very little is understood about that right now. All we see are the symptoms. Choices like drug and alcohol abuse, the repeated patterns of relationship issues or health problems. We call them “genetic” or “familial.” In some cases, we lament why someone is the black sheep or can’t get it together. We think, if only they could make better life choices all would be well.

Only a small percentage of people have tried to change static realities, DNA and belief systems. Even they are experimenting and challenging the status quo. Epigenetics is in its infancy. The understanding we have of internalized trauma’s effects on someone’s life remains, at this stage, mostly a mystery with just a few starting to write about it and conduct research.

Some aren’t sure if it is really true we can change things like this that seem like solid aspects of our personality, our health or experience. Others are inventing modalities as I write.

In the end, the pain body claims countless victims to suicide, physical health issues, substance abuse, mental issues and more each year. What’s worse is that some seek guidance from ungrounded, untested spiritual gurus hoping for a quick fix, or a miracle. Maybe they seek and fail to find western medicine responses that will heal them and only get worse or die. In the end, the pain remains or degrades with abuse, cults, negative spirals, pills and unscrupulous practices.

I don’t have all the answers. This is just my journey. Maybe sharing it will give insights into the path of healing internalized trauma – both the possibilities and the limitations. Also, there is and has been no quick fix. A person has to be willing to enter into the healing, they have to participate, and they have to want to heal. For everyone who could go as deeply as I did, there’d be some whose soul simply would limit the length they will go.

For all those like Anthony Bourdain who fall to the deep despair of the darkness of depression, and never find a way out, there are countless others, many of whom I have known personally, who continue to thrive and persevere. They find a path. Maybe not the same one I have taken. They use their will to live and continue despite the insanity.

What I believe, more than anything is if we don’t change our minds about health, healing and trauma, we won’t survive as a species. The pain body is reflected in the climate change, the political systems, the health or lack thereof of the citizens of the planet. The perpetuation of abuse sexual or otherwise is the pain body. We throw our hands up and wonder how we'll get through the day. We watch as people close to us suffer. We often try to choose differently and can't seem to find our way.

We do not live in free choice most of the time.

How we will get to live in choice…is up to us. How far are we willing to go to change the path of the future? Time will tell. In this series, I hope to take the reader through aspects of my journey and how the Nine Homes represented both internal and external aspects of my healing. You can read more details about the issues in a previous blog here. In my case, abundance, career (1st/2nd Chakra imbalances), Thriving, Self-Esteem were all impacted by my internalized trauma.

In the next part of the series, I’ll recount my time at Lowertown Lofts. My studio apartment in the heart of St Paul. Not all seven years in detail. How LL fit in with my healing, and my journey and what happened when it fell apart.

Namaste!

#2019 #breakthrough #ancestraltrauma #BodyCode #mind #innerwork #financialhealth #personaljourney #betterchoices #selfhelp #connectiontoself #connection #familytrauma #soul #Transformation #bestself #EmotionCode #trust #learning #Writing #coaching #career #patterns #threedimensionaltherapy #process

Day 3: Healthy Community as the Foundation for a Grounded Life

Community has been vital in my process with financial recovery. Without feeling grounded in the everyday rituals of friends, hobbies, nature, exercise and healthy outlook, I don’t think I could get through what it takes to shift my mindset.

Transformation, especially with all the projections, expectations, judgements and other faulty belief systems that permeate our culture, would be impossible without creating these rituals of everyday life. We need to be fully present to what each moment brings to create a different outcome.

People carrying the load of personal trauma, are often “floaters” – not fully present in their own body, their own humanity. They are escapees of what it takes to BE HERE NOW and instead long to remain separate from earth, separate from their own frailty and certainly from the dirty work of life. In fact, their connection to the source of all that is, even if they are “spiritual” tends to be unconsciously blocked.

Because our bodies are representations of who we are as spiritual beings, floaters don’t like their bodies or the message of their bodies anymore than seeing and sensing the complexities of the human existence. The failure to thrive, acted out in one form or another, is about not being grounded in the suffering that exists here. Because to be grounded in it means you must take personal responsibility for your portion of the debt.

Yes, that is the thing I avoided a long time. Not wanting to see the energy of money and create my life came from not really wanting to take personal responsibility for what I knew existed under the surface. I play acted at life. I read all the books, took the courses, went back to school several times.

I hoped that just doing those things would be enough and I would have a magical existence. When I went to film school at the age of 24, I imagined being a famous filmmaker. Nevertheless, not being grounded in my body, and deeply enmeshed in my personal trauma with co-dependent family bonding, doing what it took would have been impossible. Even if I had moved to LA, I would most certainly have been pray for the likes of people like Harvey Weinstein, who at the time of my graduation was already taking meetings in his hotel rooms.

While I had enough sense to not move to LA, I didn’t have enough strength to create my life. In fact, I was at the time of my graduation, so far above my body, and so deeply without structure, that I almost died.

The nature of community

It is important to note that the community I am referring to is a healthy one. Floaters will find unhealthy communities to which they look to prop up their fragile egos. Fellow drug addicts, poverty mindsets, alcoholics and nihilists aren’t healthy even if you all have a good time creating peak experiences of escaping.

Even spiritual communities are filled with fellow floaters looking to gurus, talking about their money problems, doing “healing” work that doesn’t get to the root of the issues and theorizing about the latest ideas on star gates and portals to other planets.

It took a long time to understand and embody healthy paradigms while developing the necessary skills to join healthy communities. Nevertheless, a healthy community is not so much a thing as a mindset itself.

The work

Over the years, all my various exercises from learning to be a massage therapist, taking a coaching certificate, to moving to the Midwest all were attempts at fixing something I knew was not working. It was a path, and every time I took on a new project I did make some incremental shifts. Still, these pivot points obscured a voice in the back of my mind, a small whisper of “but you are still going to need to do this work.”

And here I am. I finally accepted what I avoided for so long. I finally saw that no other degree program or certificate was going to reach the depth of these traumas and heal the bonding wounds that reside in my DNA and energetic structure. These wounds are so unconscious, that as I uncovered them, I couldn’t believe the stories I was hearing from my soul and my body and my ancestors.

I also realized as I worked through these layers, that there was no way that my 24-year old self, craving fame, attention and validation as she was, would ever have been strong enough to handle this work.

Neither would I have been strong enough at all the other pivot points.

Universal timing was going to require from me this epic Hero’s Journey.

Back to community

I went out on my friend’s boat, Sunday. I originally met Duane (the owner of Skipping Stones) at the curling club, along with many of my other good friends. As I soaked in the St Croix with the beautiful trees and nature surrounding me, feeling the river grasses and undulating cool water caress my skin, I was happy to BE HERE NOW.

I took up curling when I arrived in the Twin Cities. It has turned out to be one of the most grounding and gratifying sports. The community is a strong one. It is not perfect. Both the healthy and the unhealthy exist in one space. Like everything, you have a choice which path you choose. The longer I curl and the more I heal, the choice to create a healthy and solid future becomes clear.

We have a choice to be here or float, pretending it all doesn’t matter, and complaining about the negative outcomes floating leads to. Being here is the work. Removing the blocks to us inhabiting our bodies and creating from the Universe, is the work. Creating healthy communities and positive paradigms is the work. Without doing the work WE will die. Either individually or collectively.

The healing is a choice.

#2018 #ancestraltrauma #Curling #mind #innerwork #familytrauma #Transformation #financialhealth #betterchoices #bestself #wellness #health #Authenticity #career #learning #threedimensionaltherapy #EmotionCode #BodyCode #energy #connectiontoself #soul #selfhelp #empathic #patterns #intimacy #process #mindset #empath #emotionalsupport #personaljourney

Day 2: The Real Cost of Ice Cream and my Journey with Finances

A word on the cost of this ice cream

I purchased the pictured ice cream at Grand Ole Creamery on Monday. It is a double scoop – birthday cake and chocolate fudge brownie with their homemade cone. It isn’t cheap ice cream. The bill was $10.93. It tasted amazing and I appreciated the moment of sitting there with all the other denizens enjoying my summer treat.

Except it cost me more than $10.93 in the end. While I knew my account was low, I wanted to treat myself after a heavy week of interviews and rejections.

Unfortunately, I dipped below zero in my account and it cost me an additional $33, along with three other charges that same night for a total of $66 in bank fees.

Even though I’d paid off the overdraft I was carrying in that account (with a property tax refund) and started using the YNAB app (You Need a Budget), living on less than $400 a week in unemployment takes its toll on every aspect of my life. In theory I should never have taken my wallet out for my evening walk.

A sorry state of mind

This is more than just a treatise on spending plans and deprivation, though. It is a state of mind. Somehow, I created a life that barely sustains my existence on this planet. While I consider myself a happy person, deep down inside, I am clearly not feeling worthy of existence. Let’s get real about abundance blocks. They are insidious. Band-Aid approaches do not work for those of us with these deep-seated blocks.

Given the high profile and not so high profile (just see the RIP posts on my Facebook on any given day) suicides and early demises which have taken place, and you have to admit something is wrong with this picture.

Most people are not feeling worthy of their existence and it plays out in a myriad of ways from actual death to dying slowly – dating the wrong people so they don’t have to be alone, drinking too much and drug use (often backed up by a bunch of reasons why they NEED to be on drugs) and loads of other ways our shame is played out on the world stage.

Just this weekend, friends of mine were dealing with a member of their own family who had been committed to a psych ward with a suicide note and a heroin addiction. This shit is real. And everyone is touched by it in some way.

A long history of financial problems

My financial issues have plagued me my whole adult life. As I realized in 2016, I would need to deal with them head-on or I’d probably die early. Not from suicide (although when you aren’t able to sustain a regular existence it comes across your mind) but from a failure to thrive. Not eating enough, not paying rent on time, and a mounting debt problem weighs you down for real.

But how do you change this?

The fact is, it isn’t just a case of managing your cash flow – or all the books I read, classes I took or the software I owned would have made a difference before now. Yes…managing your cash is actually what it takes, in theory and if you just use your mind. However, realize that people with a skewed vision of money, carrying the baggage of ancestral and family trauma can use all those tools, and their subconscious will play out the pain body, sabotaging these efforts.

How money feels to me

It was never around, abandoned me just when I thought it was going well, looked like it was going to work out and disappeared (I often didn’t know “how” it disappeared), and was continually plagued by outside circumstances – i.e. - how does one pay rent with so little coming in? The shame around not being able to do what all my friends were doing was real almost every day. Still is.

How trauma works

Painstakingly, I have had to go into my energy body through my therapy sessions, uncover and heal stuff that I would have had no idea affected the way money worked in my life. Most all of it was passed down and I agreed to take it on, in utero.

After I was born, I just took those subconscious beliefs and created more on the top of them, based on how I already felt about my experiences from the ancestral baggage. This continued building through different periods of my life until the load was so heavy, the real world showed the signs. I could have read every book on the planet related to money and none of it would have made a damn difference.

How stuff started shifting

Unravelling the trauma required sessions at least every two weeks if not more for the last several years. As the past unwound, and my co-dependent relationship patterns emerged and left, the real-life stuff started happening. I have had to let go of structures (like my apartment I loved), friends, family members, jobs, dreams, dreamy thinking. I have had to create new structures – finance spreadsheets, apps, calendars of bills, paying only what came in (even if it meant making smaller payments for rent), and living a nomadic existence while I did it.

It DID NOT happen overnight. Each week I healed, maybe some tiny behavior shifted and it was easier (not easy) to do something like manage a spreadsheet. Or maybe, that week, it was time to tell a friend off and let them go because their way of thinking and being just wasn’t supporting my growth. That is A LOT OF PAIN. Trust me…each time, I felt I was ripping off a piece of my soul to do it.

The path forward

I look around at the destruction going on right now. There is a war going on in my inner world too. My ancestors and parents and other family may not have realized they passed down their unresolved feelings, beliefs and mucky attitudes. Nevertheless, somehow, I was left with the bag. The bag is going to be left behind before I die though. That is my plan.

Unfortunately, all around me I see the pain body – people hooked on drugs, people slowly dying in abusive relationship, people settling for less than the amazing life, people domineering and controlling, domestic violence, racial tension and violence and elected officials who would rather rape everyone then step up to the plate. People everywhere are not feeling worthy of their existence.

My YNAB app today

So, I got my unemployment check and a good $150 of it was already spent on ice cream and bank fees. Then I had to look out for the next couple weeks – something I just recently was able to do – and see all the charges going out. I was left with $20 – if I don’t spend anything on anything that isn’t already planned for until my next unemployment check. I *may* but it is not guaranteed, make a little cash at my part-time job at a restaurant movie theater on Friday. Our sales have been down, and my shifts cut so the likelihood is 40%.

Nevertheless, technically I am making more money than I did last week because an even higher percentage of my income was going to overdraft fees. We’re making a concerted effort to stop that from happening this week.

My soul today

I may not have healthcare, a job or even any prospects for making an adult living and yet, here I am surviving on less than $400 a week without my parent’s assistance (also not always the case). My Dad has been sending money to my school loan for my MBA, which is great because right now I can’t send anything to anyone that isn’t just about living right now. Past expenditures are not on the list yet.

I guess I feel a little better about myself deep down than I did a year ago. While not everyone would say my present is successful, I choose to see all of these steps as a huge win. Every day I get up, update my Excel spreadsheet, my Quicken file and my YNAB app and I am willing to look at my actual checking account without cringing (most of the time). Only a month ago, I was lucky if I could force myself to do it weekly.

This is day 2 of my writing journey. Let’s see where each day takes me. Let’s get real about who and what we really are made of. And it isn’t wine and cheese – at least not today.

#2018 #mind #innerwork #connectiontoself #betterchoices #wellness #energy #health #soul #selfhelp #financialhealth #Transformation #intimacy #Food #Heartwalls #BodyCode #threedimensionaltherapy #EmotionCode #Relating #empathic #empath #selflove #selfempowerment #bestself #life #career #caring #family #ancestraltrauma #patterns #familytrauma

Internal, External, Social and Change of the Self

My path has been internal since early May – at least as far as blogging on my personal site goes. My work with Three-Dimensional (T3) Therapy practitioner, Peg Sutherland, continued 2-3 times, per month. Processing and shifting, was a whole other matter. As layers of my ancestral/family karma broke down, I really couldn’t do much more than focus on myself.

I felt like I was in a stormy sea, my boat about to capsize. Perhaps, a few times it did and I held on to the side, hoping I’d survive somehow. Fighting with family members became more intense as dysfunctional energetic circuits, and past beliefs were cleared through the timelines and in my personal field.

How it appeared IRL (in real life) was often barely explainable so I just stopped explaining or justifying -- to myself, to others, to social media. Other times, I let various sub-personalities bob to the surface, as their energies upgraded, their voice needed to come out or they felt they needed to be heard. Often, I was a witness to my own soul – sort of like a parent watching a teenager learn to drive for the first time.

Meanwhile in “everyday reality” – I was working, dealing with finances (which blew up time and time again), making good choices and bad, volunteering for MIMA (Minnesota Interactive Marketing Association), even taking on the Marketing Chair role and applying for and getting turned down for jobs – over and over. A seeming endless supply of no. Sometimes with a personal touch, like the supposed networking contacts that would suddenly become silent if I actually applied for the job that they were hawking on social. My personal favorite: you don’t have enough experience (or too much?).

The other side of the coin included the realization that my family members weren’t going to sit idly by and support me emotionally. Or maybe, someday after I am on the other side of clearing out all the shared, passed on, and ancestral beliefs that were woven into my chakra systems, and I was humming along like a fine-oiled machine – I could imagine that the constant negatively charged emails, support checks that came late or reduced by $100s so I had to incur overdraft fees, and borrow money at exorbitant interest rates as well as the barrage of judgments like “you should have had your act together by now...” were all in my best interest.

That somehow – I owed my family allegiance, or silence or that my social posts, blogs and Facebook Lives were just too much for them. While it is possible, and probable that I misinterpreted through the lens of my process some of the intentions, I also know that unconditional acceptance has never been part of the mix. Moreover, my sessions were leading me to believe I’d carried ancestral belief systems which contributed to just that – including my feelings of shame and guilt for not being “good enough” which I held for myself.

My experience of my family flew in the face of the learnings from “Evolutionary Love Relationships” by Saade/Harvey. Also, the more time I spent with the new friends I was making as well as the old ones, whose generally supportive, unconditional families were like a whole new frontier, the more I saw real life examples of how it could be. This was both gratifying and difficult. Gratifying because I could reform in my mind a self- concept and community concept based on unconditional love, and difficult because I’d face I never really had that. What I accepted as normal was not in fact normal at all. Possibly even abusive and that abuse had been normalized.

Often, my own internal struggles were mirrored not just in my family of origin but in politics, where our President, cabinet and other players as well as world events were literally “blowing up” on a daily basis and things as we had known them could no longer be counted upon.

Still, over the course of the summer, I have had some peak moments that didn’t involve crying in the park under my sunglasses (yes that happened on Canada Day after a very difficult 24-hours with family/money). I deepened my connection to a whole new group of friends in my neighborhood – even as I knew I would need to move out, took two trips to the Minnesota State Fair, experienced more laughter and inner knowing and discovering “what I am called to create” and got bought plenty of alcohol on my birthday with the private social media group “Lowertown Drinking Club.”

I am still in process, but quickly getting clearer about what I want in relationship when it shows up, how I want to feel (or not) and what true love really means to me. I am also learning that not everything spiritual or related to the Law of Attraction comes to you in the way you originally envisioned. Sometimes it is very, very different and the true path is learning to accept and go with the flow.

I did a shit ton of letting go – friends, self-concepts, original concepts about my dreams/career, long-held boundaries – yes, I might move in with roommates again, yes, I would be willing to do a 2nd job in restaurants, yes – I would keep working at the same job I’d had for the last 3 years (at least for now).

Not sure that I am totally “at one” with trusting God/Goddess with all this – sometimes I throw a fit like the best of them. And yet, little by little I have gotten more secure in my position and understanding and my belief in myself. My intuition feels clearer than ever.

And here we are…in a new Universe with the world as my oyster…almost.

Want to work with me? Coaching, healing work such as Access Consciousness Bars, Akashic Record readings and transformational energywork - bookings available online or send me an email. I accept payments/ donations through Paypal in order to sustain myself and build my business.

In addition to personal transformation, we can work on your branding and marketing also bookable via my Online booking portal. You can also provide donations/trades of the following: acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, food, gas, pay for my Internet or anything you can suggest. Look forward to working with you!

#soul #EvolutionaryLove #Transformation #intimacy #romance #Heartwalls #EmotionCode #threedimensionaltherapy #empathic #career #networking #Marketing #mindset #process #learning #MIMA #jobsearching #energyclearing #emotionalsupport #personaljourney #change #life #story #family #Love #selflove #writing

Blogging and Blogging and Spiritual Breakfast

I spent the last two days writing up MIMA blogs from the series of events I covered since February. We were behind publishing my work from earlier in the year due to a tech shift and things got hectic. Then we finally got all that work up so by then, more events happened.

I found it easier to write them – based on previous feedback and re-writes -- my style is flowing much better and I am finding my word choice becoming more refined. I am including links and other insightful ad-ons which work for the brand.

For my own site and brand, I wanted to blog twice a week and do a FB Live once a week but so far, I have managed 1:1 ratio, which will have to do for now.

I went to breakfast with Marty from AimClear. He gave me feedback on my FB posts – personal and other wise. Something about FB always being for work. Well shucks!

He suggested either sharing only with my tribe (for some posts) or simply not covering the range of my experience as most people wouldn’t get it or understand. He might not realize, this early in our friendship that I am lazy and making circles and defining post parameters is A LOT OF WORK.

Guess the thing is, putting myself “out there” to this degree is new for me and I really had been reluctant, namely because not being seen is much easier and requires fewer skills in self-management. It is possibly quite true that some areas of one’s psyche ought not to be shared generally.

There are a range of folks who follow my work, storytelling and posts and some of them are having trouble keeping up with my incessant need to be raw and uncompromising.

I am having trouble keeping up with it.

I am unclear that sharing this much is a necessary thing for me – but perhaps the exercise of trying it was a direction I took, for experimental purposes. I know what I am doing when I do it, however, how people interpret includes a wide range based on their own filters and understandings. The thing is not everyone actually knows me in person or hangs out or sees me working through things, or even understands the whole story. So they fill in the blanks and then you end up with distorted constructs to work with.

At the stage of skewed and distorted perceptions, I’d say I am receiving other people’s judgments and misunderstandings and stories, and not all of it is beneficial from a mental perspective.

Gary Douglas, from Access Consciousness fame, would say we need to receive everything as Interesting Point of View, and that other people’s judgments make us money. Maybe being raw and uncompromising in my lack of filter would be making me rich?

Marty also mentioned that money wasn’t everything. I get that in theory, and I’ll need to wrap my mind around it from a logistical perspective. I seem to have a certain lifestyle I enjoy (and it doesn’t include boats or fancy clothes – just a nice apartment and good food and travel -- and if I don’t make more money in the long run, it is likely I’ll have to learn to live on a lot less – fast. Apartments in downtown St Paul don’t run cheap.

If I could raise money to incorporate my publishing company and start the book publishing process – i.e. ISBN and other publishing aspects aren’t free – maybe I could just be super creative and publish work of mine and build that audience.

I’m still planning on attending Zenith Conference (of which Marty is a contributor) in a few weeks. I feel like I need the reset. Job apps go out periodically as they come up but I could use a boost in 1:1 connections or a push in a different direction – i.e. a small business consultant client that gives me my next area of growth and development.

In the meantime, we will persevere as usual. Hopefully more breakfasts and lunches and meetings of synchronicity will occur in the weeks ahead. New stories will develop and exciting options present themselves. One thing I know for sure, my T3 (Three-Dimensional Therapy) sessions are going deep. And it isn’t for the faint of heart how I feel in the 48 hours after them.

I still maintain though that there is something vitally important about leaving my Office Manager days behind me and moving into my field - somehow. If it's a corporate job, agency or consultant situation - I don't know yet.

I accept payments/ donations through Paypal in order to sustain myself and build my business. I also accept PAID marketing work and sessions via my Online booking portal. If you know of someone hiring in Integrated Marketing Communications, I'll be delighted to apply. You can also provide donations of the following: acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, food, gas, pay for my Internet or hang out with me and support me emotionally in other ways.

#Transformation #Food #Relating #EmotionCode #Heartwalls #empathic #empath #career #conferences #networking #Marketing #jobsearching #mindset #energyclearing #process #emotionalsupport #business #personaljourney #blog #MIMA #life #SustainingCreativity #Authenticity #Relationship

The Power of Transformational Work

While still not where I want, things started taking off this past week. Energy moved quickly while still processing a T3 (Three Dimensional Therapy) session I had on Sunday. My session concentrated specifically on relationship, however we discovered several incomplete circuits with family as well as an outside person who I know in real life, whom I had a past life with and stuff was unresolved.

All of these incomplete circuits impacted my ability to have a complete and healthy romantic relationship. I also think, given the ones with my father, it affected my ability to create money as he acted as a sort of source energy.

I became inspired to work on my website – adding a tab for my transformational work and an online booking element. In the future, I want to link the online booking to my payment system. This takes an additional investment though and my financial situation is still tenuous. For example, I have no money in my account again and don’t get paid until the 31st.

This struggle with finances and money is real for a lot of people. There are many, many templates and limiting beliefs we’ve agreed to take on. After several months of T3, I am just beginning to see what other people describe as being able to manifest a different reality. While vision boards and imagining are great, if we don’t get to the bottom of our limiting beliefs – some of which are complex and deeply embedded, we won’t find the basic LOA materials very effective.

In that vein, I always suggest that people do trauma work, limiting belief work and other healing modalities if they really want to see results. One of the healing modalities I am in the process of learning, “Transforming Blockages” – uses a pendulum to dig deeply into limiting beliefs, past life issues and societal templates and removes them. Like all healing, it is a process of discovery with many layers.

Coming from these events, I had a great lunch on Wednesday with a networking contact and spoke to someone else about doing some marketing planning/rebranding/PR work for them. Meanwhile, MIMA and the Irish Fair work continue full speed ahead, all while maintaining a full-time job at my current company.

Obviously, now I am exploring the idea of doing freelance work in both healing and marketing via my website. If you have thought about working with someone, I offer coaching and healing using the Akashic, Transforming Blockages – and another unique process I call Art & Storytelling. Check out the descriptions of the new offers in the Online Booking portal. Please contact me with questions.

One thing I noticed as I wrote about my struggles openly, was a reflection in some supporters that they would not go back to school or change their careers because it appeared like I was suffering and it was too hard. While that is their choice, I wouldn’t use these blogs and my story as a reason NOT to do something.

Manifesting new realities in the current situation we have is not always easy. Nevertheless, my story should be an indication of perseverance not a reason to give up or stay in complaisance in life. Change requires us to show up and fully embrace the nature of process. Process is transmutational – that will sometimes feel difficult or hard or that you can’t go on. Think a plant pushing through a seed casing or the nature of the crucible.

Take a few more steps, and see everything open up…

#Transformation #change #Heartwalls #EmotionCode #Relating #empathic #empath #career #networking #Marketing #learning #process #energyclearing #jobsearching #mindset #emotionalsupport #personaljourney #story #business #trust #life #YouCaring #Love #romantic #romance #Relationship #finances #creativity #SacredJourney

Ultimate Reset Week 2: Back to Work as 2017 Challenges Us to Soar!

I haven’t written for a while. The cleanse is full steam ahead, now on Week 2. I found that during my week off, I came to be more centered on my internal process – changes with the diet, cooking all the time, timetables for the herbal supplements, reading, watching movies.

I did clear up my storage space which was a big mess. I bought four tubs and got rid of flimsy cardboard boxes. I took my old computer equipment to the recycling center. I can now get into the storage and look around. I know where everything is. Stuff isn’t falling on me when I try to find something.

Back at work, I am juggling work demands with the tiredness I feel in Week 2. The Detox week. I cheated once and had two glasses of wine Sunday just to get out of the house and be around people. I got two pieces of feedback – the wine didn’t make me feel that great and the people were annoying (sort of). Being back at work, I am not as isolated. Detox week is different from the basic cleanse of Week 1.

After the first few days craving stuff, I came to like the rhythm and creativity of food-making. I found solace is the silence. I managed candlelight gentle yoga on Friday night.

Work has been busy the first few days back, as I thought. Still, taking supplements and eating on a regular schedule is proving to be a challenge in this role with interruptions and vendor schedules and I don’t know what else.

My job search is ready to gear back up. Next week, I have two MIMA events back to back. I’m looking forward to networking again even if it's 8AM in Minneapolis. My 5th T3 session, last week opened up even more abundance and receiving energy. We are getting deeper with each session into the programming from ancestors and family.

In fact, one such occlusion came from an ancestor 18 generations ago who decided magic was dangerous. It filtered through the family line, growing upon itself and being added too until my father said “I’m not magical”. It is a subconscious programming. We cleared all that out and into the future. Magic is how we create our lives in the now. No wonder I was getting inconsistent results.

Amazing how the DNA holds all these perspectives and negative programming gets installed and passed down. We are complex creatures. The more I learn about epigenetics and ancestral programming, I am gaining awareness of just how people create stuff they don’t desire, or which seems contradictory to how they live. Subconscious instructions as vibrations are far more potent than what we think we want on the surface.

Working with the T3 practitioner and on other aspects of healing such as this cleanse and diet, is not an overnight success. It is a process. However, I feel it will be worth it in the end, when more and more of my energy is open to receive abundance and miracles.

During my time off, I was able to update the website with the book cover for Cassandra & Abbie, however writing eluded me because I was processing so much stuff – dealing with cooking and wrangling groceries. I missed a few things and had to do multiple trips for Week 2, for example.

The positive news is my previous experience, made me much better at the recipes each meal than in the past, including how to manage the multiple steps so the meals happened on time and not in the middle of the night, like before.

I’m still planning on going forward with the 21-Day Fix after this and I am already thinking about how I can plan my meals as I won’t have the prescribed meal regimen like I did with the Reset. I’ll also be adding in the more rigorous exercise component. Already though, I look in the mirror, and my skin is brightening up, I don’t have any gastro-intestinal issues (unrelated to the cleanse) and I am sleeping better.

On another note, I’m just beginning to do my 2017 planning – I had to purchase some workbooks for my process plus I am continuing with the Master Soul University. Stacy Nelson is having us learn -- from her book Inner Council -- each of the council members in detail and begin to work with them individually. I didn’t know why when I began working with the Creator that I seemed blocked or didn’t have a bond – now after the T3 session I am realizing that those components (i.e. I am not magical) stuck in my auric field impeded my access to Creator.

All of these processes go hand in hand as I come into my own with personal manifesting and creating. I look forward to seeing how things unfold in the months to come.

If you want to help support my career transition and book publishing business - I am still running my YouCaring.com campaign. You can also reach me personally for direct donations and I take PayPal or schedule a coaching/healing session. https://www.youcaring.com/ginasmovinonupcampaign

#2017 #publishing #emotionalsupport #story #change #Journey #process #intuition #Spirituality #DivineFeminine #StacyNelson #Relationship #SacredJourney #Heartwalls #networking #selflove #creative #Innerlandscapes #Authenticity #career #EmotionCode

May the Force be With You: Our Journey to the Stardust Which is Within us All.

Carrie Fisher died this morning. Maybe a part of me hoped she would miracously survive the massive heart attack she had on the 23 of December. Alas! Her eight-year cycle was one of ultimate release into the ALL THAT IS. A day after I saw Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, which brought back the deep love I had for the original series of Star Wars movies, our Princess Leia was gone.

Star Wars shaped my childhood and likely even set-up my mission. My narrative is so much about overcoming the darkness and the darkside to bring the light into balance. As I start the process of publishing more of my writing in 2017, I think this aspect of my being will become more and more self-evident.

This is the last week of 2016. It is a potent week of final release in the Nine Year cycle completion. While we collectively grieve, I just want to say that 2016 did not “TAKE” people we love from us. They chose to exit the planet at this time at a soul-level, their work on the planet was complete. It was time for them to choose a new form and for those of us who remain earthbound to discover our artist within.

In the most recent Star Wars epic Rogue One, one of the characters is called Star Dust as a family nickname. This is in and of itself a powerful motif. We are born in alchemy and cosmic synergy and within our DNA is the makings of the Star. The stars aren’t just things twinkling in the night sky, they are indeed collectives of our high vibrational energies. They talk to us and inform us. We hold parts of them in our very bodies.

Carrie Fisher entered the stardust phase of her existence. She is a powerful goddess who held a human form and she is not gone, just different. It was time. All those people who were artists who passed, are forming a star. Look up in the sky and they will exist there and an in your hearts.

I’ve been processing my T3 session which had a longer than usual integration time of eight days. I know there is a bit more I want to do in the new year but the session integration took me all the way to the end of the year. That was a message. I had completed what I needed to do THIS year to start a new cycle in a very different place.

In the last week, I reviewed my last eight years. I had to realize that while I resisted the process like we often do, it really was a cycle of purification for me. I’ll enter a new eight-year cycle in 2017 in a very different place spiritually than when I began. My heart has been awakened to a new cosmic reality. I am a more balanced human. Still, I have no idea what cycle of my life I am beginning.

That tension is powerful now. I feel the old and the new at the same time. I am working with the fear of the unknown. What if I am wrong?

I had a session with the amazing healer and coach Lillian Moore. She helped me to work with this tension so I was in the emotional driver’s seat and could remain that way as I create 2017 and beyond. My mission in life is maverick and not the norm. More to come. In the meantime, I just speak for myself. I can ask bolder questions like "What energy space and consciousness do I be to generate an amazing, fun and heartful life?"

This path takes a lot of compassion. I’ve had a shaky relationship to compassion and spent a lot of my life in judgement of aspects of self. Judgement is not conscious and it does not allow any of us to be in the question that creates potent outcomes. We’ve bought into stories or templates that don’t serve our highest good. The true, soul story is lost. It is time to restore the stories that create harmonic and potent paths of destiny.

My Beachbody products are on their way, as are the meal prep containers. One thing I learned about doing the Ultimate Reset last year was that conscious eating takes time and effort. I plan to do meal prep in advance so I don’t consider cheating because “I don’t have the energy to make dinner.”

Three weeks of no alcohol, no caffeine and clean eating. Oh boy…

May the Force be with You! The real message of these films is The Force is within all of us. It is a true balance between the Dark and the Light…

Consider supporting the artists in your life. If you want to help support my career transition and book publishing business - I am still running my YouCaring.com campaign. You can also reach me personally for direct donations and I take PayPal or schedule a coaching/healing session. https://www.youcaring.com/ginasmovinonupcampaign

#InnerCouncil #EmotionCode #empathic #learning #mindset #YouCaring #business #knowing #empath #energyclearing #personaljourney #SoulJourney #creativity #Healing #CarrieFisher #StarWars #RogueOne #TheForce #Love #selflove #life #story #trust #writing #publishing

Solstice Reflection on the 2016 Gauntlet and Rejuvenation for 2017

I haven’t been feeling well all week. The end of the year and Solstice energies have heavily affected me.

I had two migraine-like headaches back to back – Wednesday and Thursday. Or maybe it was the same headache that never quite went away.

My period started today so the hormonal shifts were probably part of it, wrapped up in the intensity of Solstice. I know I want to get back to my work with Meghan on my womb healing but it’s not quite the right time. I am shooting for February of 2017.

I ordered my Ultimate Reset kit (Beachbody Product) for my planned cleanse in early January. I'll chronicle my process here in 2017. The kit can’t come soon enough, I guess, as my body is just beaten up with all the energy changes I made this year. 2016 remains one of the more consciously challenging years of the last eight-year cycle that it completes.

I had hard years all eight – this was overall a cycle of purification for me, which included the move to Minneapolis-St Paul and basically starting over from scratch. We completed whatever began in 2008 and I remember the exact details of 2008 and where it all began. They’ll remain private.

The cycle included re-working spiritual pathways and delving deeply into some of my more ingrained patterning. Multiple dark nights of the soul were included, some almost taking me out to a place few recover from. I was lucky I had a stellar support network. The individuals changed – a few coming and going over the years --but for the time they were in my life, they were there at the right time, when I needed them.

The kicks in the rear and the subsequent enlightenment was no small trick. Sometimes I railed against God’s plan but every time I was gently but firmly presented with the better choice and I took it. The gauntlet included many times I hung over the precipice knowing I had to jump into the unknown chasm and not knowing if I would make it.

The last eight years were not that light. In fact, a lot of the cycle was downright dark. I faced my shadow into the depths of shame, guilt, the past and the meta-story of the larger soul group to which I belong. I faced intensity, strife, visions I thought were real which turned out to be the ego, and coming into my own Truth.

I asked for more, every time. I started to learn how to receive. Truly receive. Releasing all the junk which prevented my heart from truly loving. Unconditionally. There was lots and lots of forgiveness.

As large, white flakes of snow fall through the dormant tree branches outside, I am involuting in my own way. Cycles inherently come and go and this one was a doozy. As I reflect upon 2016 and the journey I took since 2008, I realize how much more alive and conscious and grounded I am in authenticity and spirituality – not just the fluffy fun kind but the real, down and dirty shit of real life too.

The thing about surrendering over and over to a force greater than self and when you think you have done it all, doing it again is…nothing (not much anyway) fazes me. From sociopaths in the White House to KKK in the cabinet, I sit back from this place and find them all amusing characters.

I’m not saying that from a position of unconscious and blind trust, I am saying this from a centered place. I will never give my power up to the White House or the darkness or the cacophony of voices that tell me I am not powerful. I carry the golden sword and chalice. I AM all that is. Whatever they do shall be reversed.

We will create a reality in which we consciously and effortlessly rise to the challenge and eradicate polarity. Maybe not in MY (Gina’s) lifetime but in time. And the process has already begun, in such a way that it is arriving in a way we did not suspect. True consciousness accepts everything and judges nothing. It IS. Relative to that, our ego has its positions and posturizing.

To me, with all these caricatures of people elected to various offices; everything that stinks about them out in the open, we are in a more realistic reality. Now I see both shadow and light dancing – out there. If I want to buy into darkness as having power, it will. If I want to assume they are wrong and I am right – I could.

The very nature of things is challenging us to face our values as individuals and encompass into our understanding and our humor -- everything. Last night I was laughing in an online conversation about BDSM cat fetishes. It wasn’t a personal thing it was just plain funny. Who cares? Someone probably takes it seriously – I don’t have to.

Me, I like to dance with it ALL around me. Doing the things that make me happy and fulfilled. Working on my novel projects and my spiritual courses as well as my healing. Eating at my favorite restaurants where I know the local chef. Yoga. Dancing. Things I don’t know I will do because I am not aware of them yet.

I completed a 4th T3 session with Peg last night. This time ancestral and inherited issues from the father/ father’s side and my Vanishing Twin syndrome in which I lost a twin in utero. Issues of feeling like I am never the chosen one that plagued me from beginning to now, have been released. New thoughtforms installed for a more fully expressed me. Already I feel new experiences forming.

I am present with the now and wrapping up 2016 with a quiet bang. Ok, given my physical symptoms, it is more like a slow crawl. Still…’resistance is futile’ has never been a more fully complete truth than 2016. Let’s hope 2017 is the beginning of something truly amazing!

If you want to help support my career transition and book publishing business - I am still running my YouCaring.com campaign. You can also reach me personally for direct donations and I take PayPal or schedule a coaching/healing session. https://www.youcaring.com/ginasmovinonupcampaign

#EmotionCode #empathic #mindset #Election #YouCaring #business #knowing #empath #jobsearching #energyclearing #personaljourney #SoulJourney #Healing #Journey #finances #emotionalsupport #creativity #Relationship #EightYearCycle #OneYear #2016 #2017

Change in Year, Change in Attitude: Lessons of the Opening Heart

I’ve been quiet on my blog for a few weeks now.

As soon as some idea or thought would coalesce it would just as soon dissipate. Maybe I wasn’t that grounded or things changed too fast.

I’ve had three T3/Emotioncode sessions with Peg at this point. The last one was Sunday for an hour. We dug in deeply to some limiting beliefs and emotional heartwalls. Inherited thought-forms from the female line. A few things from the Dad’s side and a shit ton of old stuff that simply wasn’t serving me.

My list of positive belief systems has grown from 4 when I had session one to 18. I have them tacked to my cube wall at work and glance over periodically to reinforce them in my psyche.

It’s the first 24 hours since the session and I felt my ego or some aspect of myself resisting the change. The voice lobbed out some real doozies like “F-U for making these changes, they’ll never work!” and “Go away!”

Lovely.

On the other side, my heart and soul feel lighter and more energetic since the session. My knees which had been bothering me for weeks seem to be free of pain. That mind-body connection, was a strong one.

I continue my work with Stacy Nelson’s MasterSoul University. I purchased a mala from her shop so I could perform Ho’pono’pono and other mantras and actually be able to count using 108 beads instead of the excel spreadsheet I had been using. That felt a little too office-y for forgiveness rituals. Also, I wanted something pretty to wear.

My appearance has been a huge thing for me recently. I joined Stitch Fix so I could try it out and see if the stylists/box in the mail idea would work for me. I figured I’d give it a few tries and see. I made an appointment for a facial. I bought my favorite skincare line. I don’t think this is a superficial process for me. I feel it is vibrational. I am going after gold and want to express the process outwardly as well as inwardly.

I received via email 22 book cover concepts from Renee for Cassandra & Abbie: A Journey in Letting Go. I let those images percolate over the weekend after I’d narrowed it down to two I felt expressed the energy of the writing and picked the winner this morning. I am eager to have her finalize it so I can upload it to the site. Of course, that means I have the structure in place to finish writing. Let’s see how the inspiration flows.

Without all the support and processes I learned in MasterSoul, I don’t think I would have gotten as far as book covers. I had to relearn how to create and manifest. While we’re still learning, I am already seeing results using the techniques and that is a harbinger of things to come for me.

I think I need to apply these techniques a little more deliberately with the job hunt too. I finished Stacy’s Inner Council book and I know I need to start to identify The Council in my mind and work with them. I am taking the first week in January off to clean-up my storage and start a 21-day cleanse. I am hoping the time will also be used for getting to know The Council.

The election has been challenging for my family of origin. We weren’t all aligned in that process and bickering still seems to arise with the polarity of left and right. My Dad and I worked on new tires for my vehicle and everything was going smoothly until he got into it with my brother about politics. I got drawn into it with an email about “hope you enjoy your new tires from your conservative father.”

Eesh. I find myself having to raise the vibration and the energy of these exchanges after I pick myself up. What is the management response to this? How do I handle a difficult and sticky situation?

I dove into and started reading Megyn Kelly’s Settle for More over the weekend. My Dad sent it to me as part of what I call our regular book club. I get new books as a surprise every few weeks. He just started doing that a couple years ago and I always learn something from his choices.

I don’t identify with everything in her book but she knows how to tell a good personal story. I find myself excited to keep reading and wonder how situations will play out for her. I don’t know how much patience she’d have for how it works for an empath when it comes to her “work hard to get somewhere” philosophy. Working all those hours and pushing personal limits constantly, typically gets an empath sick. She appears to have learned deep lessons in vulnerability in recent years, however.

I for one am unlearning a lot of that philosophy and learning how to have more ease, have things arrive in an easier fashion that doesn't involve masculine pushing, go with the flow of universal timing so that when something does manifest like a job, it seems to just fall out of the sky. I may be new to it and shaky on the particulars, but I think I am actually seeing it working – finally.

All in all, my attitude and my heart has shifted a great deal. 2016 may be a 9 year but we’re all hoping it is worth it in the end.

PS for those keeping tabs on the dude from the agency who sent me a form “thanks but no thanks email” after I had met him in person a few times and to whom I responded with a euphoric “so glad to have met you at such and such events.” I did see him again at the MIMA Holiday Party last week. He seemed to be busy running in the opposite direction. :)

If you want to help support my career transition - I am still running my YouCaring.com campaign. While I did have some donations in the previous round, I have additional networking/conference type events, up keep on this website and other processes to go. You can also reach me personally for direct donations and I take PayPal. https://www.youcaring.com/ginasmovinonupcampaign

#MegynKelly #SettleforMore #StacyNelson #InnerCouncil #jobs #jobsearching #EmotionCode #empathic #empath #Election #Marketing #mindset #Winning #YouCaring #knowing #business #energyclearing #community #family #MIMA #Healing #personaljourney #SoulJourney #Authenticity #Heartwalls #life #Vulnerability #Journey #story

Thanksgiving: Gratitude & Attitude on the Journey

Coming off an amazing Thanksgiving with my friend Lawrence at his new house where I bonded with his son and we played with shoes and shared pie.

I’ve been pushing the healing work since the weekend. Remi from Twinflame Healers and I have been corresponding back and forth. I’m trying to work on my ability to receive in the Soul Love work. It sounds easy but receiving is complex. Your mind likes to play tricks. "Oh Sure!, I am receiving," it says. However your bank account and your love life don't show that you are at all.

I had a T3 session with an EmotionCode/BodyCode/T3 practitioner. I knew I had this heart-wall (or maybe it is more than one) which affected my abundance. I’d been working with someone who released a lot of surrounding issues over the course of the summer but the body wouldn’t let go of the wall. When she went through a personal crises and couldn’t continue the work, the whole thing stayed on the back burner -- until Monday.

I’m trying to read Stacy Nelson’s Inner Council book and can’t concentrate. I haven't been sleeping well lately - strange dreams at night wake me up around 3am and I can't get back to sleep. I lay in bed tossing and turning.

The job hunt has been long and protracted. Monday I was feeling the heaviness of it.I turned in (yet another) draft of the finance articles and my blog for MIMA on the Pinterest talk. Meanwhile, Monday I got a ‘no’ response from an agency where I applied recently. The CEO had come to our class on social media. We’d read his book. Apparently that was not enough.

Wednesday night I ran into my friend Jesse. He wants to be more involved in my job hunt and thinks he has the skills to assist me in making this jump. I'm grateful for his stepping in here. Hopefully we can put our minds to good use in the months to come.

Now I realize that when I came out of film school in 1998, a complete emotional wreak, there was no way I would have made it in Hollywood. I am in the Hollywood of the mid-west and it takes energetic balls, tenacity, and emotional doggedness…if I had an ego, it has been honed with these rejection notices from marketing agencies and the closed-door policies of the creatives. It takes attitude to weather the ups and downs and keep going.

In the meantime, I am truly grateful for this process. I have gotten out of the house more often and met more interesting people since school let out. I’ve been forced to address long-standing energetic and personal limits. I’ve cried a lot and laughed even more. I’ve tested myself in ways I never thought possible and came out the other side of the crucible a stronger mind.

That doesn’t mean that I am not looking forward to 2017 (one year). This nine year can kick-it. Course, before the nine year completes – we do have one more, pesky Mercury Retrograde to get through.

#MBA #Marketing #mindset #YouCaring #business #empath #community #creativity #jobsearching #MIMA #personaljourney #Money #curling #SoulJourney #career #jobs #Authenticity #networking #Writing #change #life #writing #energyclearing #EmotionCode #Heartwalls