I feel this deep tension - in my root. Climbing upward. My breath, shallow. I cough and choke. A spasmodic attack. I clear the debris. I sense the past well-up within me. An old and tired friend. It splits me in two. I know not what I say. She tells me, demands my efficacy. I am swallowed up there, drowning. She feels deeply. Distrusting of us all, like she was betrayed. Why didn't her life exist like a mortal tracked in beauty and decay? Instead, she is missing. Stuck back there. Still wishing she'd been alive to express her heartfelt destiny. Now she is havoc and anger. Demanding to be heard. The tension rises. It cannot be dismissed this time. Until I am whole again - me in its entirety.